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1-234-755-CHAT: Help! My Sister Found My Gay Porn.

In this edition of 1-234-755-CHAT, a caller has expressed some stress regarding the private made public: his personal gay porn stash was found…by his younger sister!

“I’m in high school and my parents don’t know that I’m gay because they’re very religious and it would end badly. So I have a few photos of guys having sex that I printed out because I don’t have my own computer and I wanted to have something that was porn. They were hidden in a pair of shoes under my bed and, while we were cleaning before family came for Christmas, my sister found the porn shoes while vacuuming. I told her they were nothing but to not tell anyone. I think she won’t.”

As someone who once made a collage of topless men in Powerpoint and printed them as my sister walked into the room, I totally understand where you’re coming from. In my situation, the slow printer was going at such a glacial pace that she never saw what was coming out (Ha!) nor the computer screen. I also ran and hugged her so she had no idea what was happening. I later stole the collage and hid it underneath a bunch of sweaters in my dresser.

In your case, it sounds like your sister straight up got an eyeful of some dude-on-dude “Hide the sausage!” action. That’s fine. It’s 2014 and your sister—pending her age—has seen it already. If she was very young and had no idea what was going on, then she has something to think about for a while (and maybe something to Google) (maybe she will even grow up to be a gay man).

The concern is if your sister—like your parents—is a devout religious person. If she was appalled and shared the feeling with the parents, you may be headed for trouble. Ultimately, this is a game of Hot Potato: don’t let your parents find out. While it could ultimately help you and your family, you should probably steer them clear of this until you are ready. Not when you are “ready to come out” but after that, when you can deal with their intellectual and potentially physical punches. Unless you know for a fact that you will not get kicked out of your house or harmed, then you should deny and deflect and keep them happy.

As I always say, you have to suck a lot of dick to get ahead. This isn’t literal dick but metaphorical: keep the member pleased and you will be pleased. You can then go on and do whatever you want, with or without them.

Also, gay porn found in a shoe during Christmas would make for a great holiday special.

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