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No More Baby Boys In Them Baby Pants

They are those pants that are cinched at the ankles. Men wear them. They are not athletic pants: they are neo-khakis. Tech casual wear. Dressy activewear. Yes, I understand that fashion is years deep into an athletic obsession. That doesn’t excuse jogger pants.

Jogger pants—or the simply disgusting and short “Joggers“—are a plague in menswear. They are the new cargo pants. They are trend items that excuse laziness. They are the even more relaxed, more streetwearfocused cousin of the drop crotch pant and they do a fantastic job of making any man who wears them look like they are a giant baby. All these men need is to ask their girlfriends or boyfriends (or mother or father) for a diaper change on occasion and they have officially morphed into giant baby boys.

This has got to stop. I understand that they are very affordable at Urban Outfitters and cool with J.Crew. That doesn’t make them right. I don’t care if they are expensive ass Rag & Bone. I don’t care if Yeezy designed them. I don’t care if they are Public School. I don’t care if they are trendy and by Publish. You look like a baby, the type of male child that picks his nose and fondles his junk when no one or someone is looking. You look like you are ready to be fed, burped, and then set in a crib to nap.

Dudes: stop. You know why fashion isn’t advancing itself in our name? Because we let ourselves wear this shit. It’s been at least two years since this has been happening and it is time to stop. Sell them at Buffalo Exchange. Get something that fits. Wear shorts! Just stop with the baby pants. Take your overly relaxed douchey baby blouses with you, too. Why? Because you look like the ultimate baby: Justin Mother Fucking Bieber.

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