A Story About A Small Dick

What’s it like to have a little dick? Can it mess up your life? I wouldn’t think so: it’s all about how you work it and, besides, someone will like that little willy.

Apparently, this is a real thing to worry about for certain men. For example, actor, comedian, and documentary star Patrick Moote. He’s a sweet, funny guy. He’s so sweet and funny that he once proposed to his girlfriend in a very public place and the video of the event went very viral…because she turned him down.

So what happened? Why did he get dumped? It was apparently because he has a tiny pee pee. This is not a joke and it is the amazing, embarrassing premise of the documentary UnHung Hero about Moote’s search for penile enhancement. It covers a lot of territory, spanning from faux-scientific methods like ExtenZe, penis pumps, and the seemingly abusive “jelqing” technique. Moote searches the globe and speaks with sex gurus all to learn more about size, masculinity, and his own penis.

Admittedly, the movie looks silly and has rattled around my Netflix queue for what feels like years. It took some aimless button pushing to finally concede and it was definitely worth the watch. You get wisdom from stars like Ron Jeremy who tells Moote that the real issue with dicks is dicks that are too fat. “You can’t make it thinner,” he says before doling out the extremely wise and porny, “a good tongue is more important.” You even get a cameo from sex icon Anne Sprinkle who I didn’t know now holds a PhD in Ecosexuality. How San Francisco!

The film goes crazy, too. Moote puts his dick through the ringer and takes a shot of deer dick liquor and nearly gets a needle to his prick in the name of enlargement. The best bits of the film come from a visit to a penis temple in Korea which leads to his stupid brilliantly bringing a camera into a spa. He’s quickly chased out in a funny/horrible/obvious turn of events. The film climaxes in Korea with a disturbing predicament: should he literally get his dick cut up surgically in the hopes of bigger growth?

You’ll have to watch even though you probably can guess where the morality tale ends. The biggest takeaways for a gay viewer is that, yes, gay men are vapid about dicks and, yes, gay and straight men are fucking cock obsessed and, yes, gay people are modern prophets as Dan Savage proves in the pivotal voice of reason in the film. It’s a funny watch that skewers dicks, gender, and love. UnHung will make you squirm and laugh and have some mild revelations and—hopefully—you’ll come out of the film with a little more love for your chub.

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