An Ode To Dan Souza, PBS’ Food Hunk

If I need mindless, smart television, I turn to America’s Test Kitchen. If I want said mindless, smart television to come with eye candy? I turn to an episode starring Dan Souza.

Dan Souza. The sideways talking, science smarts cooking papa rwho pops into the world of ATK to bestow us with the details on how yeast makes bread rise and why you should pre-grease your grill. He has that all American, white boy exotic thing happening. Is he European? Is that hair curl and mildly Latino last name tying him to Spain? Are his glasses Xavier Garcia? “I’m a big seafood person,” he explains. “It comes to me from both sides—my mom’s side of the family is from Maine, and my dad’s side is from Portugal.” Ahh, yes. There is an Iberian connection.

Dan Souza. The ATK genius. He’s one of the guiding forces behind Cook’s Science, a look at food from a more academic, chemical way to elevate your food making through experimental investigation. Sure, the smarty pants foodie outfit has basically been phased out but our cutie Danny gave us so much. Extreme ice cream, salty explorations, fried shallots: a taste of what was and is. “If you’re anything like me, you’ll start playing with your shiny new pantry items,” he coaxes. “In the meantime, let us know what you do with them.” An invitation. Will you come over for dinner and provide literal hand holding? Please?

Dan Souza. Of course he did a Moth story. In 2014, for seven minutes, he told a tale of jaw surgery wiring his mouth shut in college, when he worked at a cemetery and had his Summer ruined by the procedure. Perhaps this is the origin of the sideways talking? Perhaps this the origin of his adorable little mouth affect where he purses his little lips toward the left corner of his chin? “There’s a difference between normal throwing up and throwing up when your jaw is wired shut,” he tells an audience to waves of laughter. What a cutie, I think. But, alas, no: there is no mentioning of whether or not this is the source of that adorable mouth affect.

Dan Souza. Not Dan “Gaucho” Souza, an aspiring MMA fighter with a seemingly impressive seven wins and two losses since 2012. Not Dan Souza of Calvary Baptist Church, an older preacher in Vermont with a remarkably squeaky voice and nearly thirty public sermons since 2011 to peruse. Not even Dan D’Souza, a London based baritone who looks almost exactly like our Dan Souza but unspectacled and with a more olive complexion and a stronger suggestions of salt and peppered hair. No, no: Dan Souza, the newly crowned Chris Kimball – the disgraced former face of ATK who is actively being sued by the company – as Souza has recently been named Cook’s Illustrated‘s editor in chief. Our man has done well.

Dan Souza. The babe of culinary public broadcasting. The brain behind a thinking man’s wired mouth. An exotic everyman who just wants to help you eat better. A food hunk. A storyteller. A guy.

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