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BAD, SNAKE. BAD.

Imagine you have a penis. Imagine a snake is nearby. Imagine said snake puts his snake chompers on your penis part. Imagine the pain.

Every owner of a penis has thought it, has imagined the torture porn of having one’s meats meet the wrong mouth. The fear of getting your penis bitten off is very real, only heightened by movies like Teeth and news stories about people whose penis part got bitten by an animal. The snake is particularly distressing because of its being known for chomping and, well, because it is the most phallic animal. A snake attacking a penis is like meeting your nemesis by design: it is you being killed by that which you look like.

What’s even worse is having to see this fear play out on an adorable animal (A dog.) who cannot do much about the threat (A snake biting a penis.). It’s sad all around and, unfortunately, is a real thing: yesterday, “excruciating” footage of a dog getting its penis part bitten surfaced. It’s an unsettling video as the dog wags its tail and licks and bites the snake, a gleeful, desperate plea to unlock the jaws from the penis. What’s even more fucked up is that the mystery videographer does nothing to help the dog. It’s as abusive as it is uncomfortable.

If you dare watch the mysterious video—which there is little information about—you can below. This is a crime against dogs and dicks. Please keep this pupper and his peeno in your thoughts and prayers today.

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