Summer is the season of the outdoors. Bears are outdoors. Bears—like us—are not hibernating during the Summer. This weekend seemed like a unique synergy of bear happenings so I thought—Hey.—let’s do some BEAR NEWS. Not that kind of bears, though. Real bears. This is Bear News.
Bear Downs 36 Beers, Passes Out At Campground
Bears, like us, enjoy drinking in the Summer. Also, this bear who drank all the beers and passed out only drank the high end, local shit too. This bear even ate some honey, too. That’s so bear!
Bear Breaks into Pie Shop and Devours 38 Pies, Skips the Rhubarb
From 36 items consumed to 38, this gluttonous pie loving hairy creature fucking wrecked a shop with his sweet tooth. He didn’t eat the rhubarb pies, though. This is funny because the beer drinking bear also expressed taste by only drinking the nice beer. This is so bear!
Bear Disassembles Bird Feeder, Helps Itself To Breakfast
Well, this bear is decidedly less ambitious. He probably would drink the off brand beers and eat that rhubarb pie. This is so bear!
Grizzly Bear Pushes Glass Box With Screaming Woman Inside For Bizarre Japanese Game Show
As a bear, sometimes you come across women in boxes and—in a rage of hunger—you have to pursue them. You want to eat that woman because you want to eat. You don’t realize this but this is a setup: you are on a television show, where we laugh at your potentially eating a screaming woman. So bear. This is so bear!
Munchkin The Teddy Bear Ewok
Dogs and bears are indeed related. This bear is a dog in a costume. It is not a bear dog although bear dogs were a thing. As are dog bears! But this is neither: this is so dog. Is this somehow dog news? I guess it is. I fooled myself. This reminds me that one of my dogs—Dottie—ate two chicken filets from off the counter yesterday evening. That’s so dog!