While it has been some time since we’ve had a proper PENIS NEWS outing, sometimes it’s important to stop and smell the penis roses and devout and entire moment to a penis story so rich and delicious that it gives you pause.
Friends, meet the beetle penis.
Scientists in Germany have studied the penises of thistle tortoise beetles to find that these tiny creatures’ relatively giant, curved, and hard penises can revolutionize catheters, inspiring a better design. This is not a joke but a drill: beetle penises will have a hand in making better medical tubing.
As KPCC explains, scientists assaulted male beetles to see how their little pee pees worked. I’ll let Yoko Matsumura, the scientist behind the study, get into greater specifics.
The experiments involved applying force to the penis and seeing how far it bent in order to quantify exactly how hard or soft it is along its full length.
“Although the penis is quite long, it is very small,” explains Matsumura, “so we have to perform the experiment on a microscope.” The microscopes they used are so precise that they require the specimen to be completely still, which was bad news for the beetles in the experiment.
“We killed the beetles and then used the fresh penis. Unfortunately for them,” says Matsumura.
Wow. Pour one out for these little beetle babies.
Joking aside, this is quite a find as the story notes that inaccurate or malfunctioning catheters are the cause of a good deal of deaths. These beetles may have lost their dicks and lives but they weren’t in vain. Thank you, beetles pps!
But, oy, to be this scientist. This is some phallic karma that I do not want.