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Best Of 2017: Movies & TV

Now that the Internet and video games have been tackled, let’s turn to bigger screens of entertainment: movies and television.

While the entertainment world has been rocked by sexual harassment allegations and a world under President Trump, most entries into big and small screens were essentially the same old, same shit. Some exceptions, sure, but there was no giant boulder of goodness or badness that shook the foundation of what movies and television are. We can sleep easy, I suppose. (And, frankly, I mostly sleep through movies since I find the majority of them boring.)

Best Climate Change Fairy Tale: Okja
This was fun! And it was about climate change or, at least, materialism and consumerism and the abuse of natural resources. This is the kind of film we need more of in this year of our creator, 2018!

My Grinch Heart Grows: The Big Sick
What a sweet movie this was! I didn’t really want to see it but it was quite worth it.

Surprising Comic Book Something: Logan
This movie accomplished something huge: I didn’t fall asleep during it. A win for me potentially watching more comic book movies! But I doubt it!

Eh: Will & Grace
This was just old people ridiculousness that, while charming, was just jokes I’ve heard before, in other venues, done better.

Eh, Movie Edition: Girl’s Trip
Same.

Best Use Of A Grapefruit(s): Girl’s Trip
Although the movie was mostly “Eh. Seen it.,” the folding in of grapefruit/dick culture was perfect.

Interesting Enough: Legion
Didn’t finish this season but enjoyed what I saw! Another comic book something win!

Finally, You All See Her Brilliance: Greta Gerwig
I’ve been obsessed with Greta for years and it finally felt like people saw her for the charming genius that she is. My little baby growing up!!

No.: American Horror Story: Cult
Stop.

Yeah, No: Black Mirror, Season Five
Nope. Redo.

Saddest Sad To Sad: Downward Dog
You know how much I loved this show? SOOOO MUCH. It had the most heart and soul and humor of any other show in 2017 but, alas, it got killed because no one watched it. Please, Hulu, pick this show up.

Sure, I Can Take More Of This: The Current Direction Of The Alien Franchise
I, probably alone, am here for the new direction Alien is taking. Give me more evil AI and crazy creatures that aren’t xenomorphs!

Most Surprising: Gerald’s Game
I will never look at my hands – or handcuffs – the same again.

Best Kept Mood: Kong: Skull Island
I was excited to see this film and, while ultimately fine, it was remarkable for being so moody and cool looking. It was like Apocalypse Now but with giant fucking monsters. My kind of movie!

Most Unexpectedly Fantastic: Atomic Blonde
This was poised to be “good” but, um, it was so entertaining. Charlize Theron can really do everything.

Best Eighties Revival: Atomic Blonde
One of the most unsaid elements of the movie is its conjuring of the eighties, both in art direction and in sound direction. It was so rich in its eighties indulgence and offered a sort of fun very few films give you by dipping into the past.

Most Surprising: The Good Place
This will get its own dedicated post at a forthcoming date.

The 2018 Diversity Prize: The Good Place
Not only was this show so fucking funny and mentally stimulating, it always featured a woman or person of color at the wheel in addition to one of the most diverse casts on network television. This show is just so perfect.

Nothing Really Happened Except For That Last Final Fight Scene: Star Wars: The Last Jedi
The movie was basically a really, really, reallllllly extended short film about that final fight scene. Nothing else happened!

Best Comeback: Star Trek: Discovery
What a delight this show is! It continues to surprise and has an absolutely stellar ensemble cast. Who knew this CBS show would thrill as well as it does?

Breakout TV Lead: Sonequa Martin-Green
The Star Trek Discovery lead was not only a total queer babe in real life but the sort of even keeled star that commands your attention so thoroughly. She is going to be a mega star. I promise!

Breakout Star: Tiffany Haddish
Similarly!!!!!!!!!! From her SNL hosting to the above interview, Haddish is here to stay. She’s the kind of star we need right now.

Best Political Show: I Love You, America With Sarah Silverman
Not enough people talked about this but, after Full Frontal got a little exhausting, Silverman swooped in with this dose of bipartisan leaning fun to disarm the bomb that is American culture. I loved it.

Best “Adaptation”: GLOW
I’ve been dying to rewatch the show because it took the story of the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling (GLOW) and turned it into an eighties revivalist feel-good romp. It was just so tickling! But, of course, Netflix will make season two so, so, so bad.

Worst “Adaptation”: The Handmaid’s Tale
Good show, terrible book adaptation. So much of the book’s bite (Particularly the racism!!) got cut out.

Worst “Adaptation,” Gay Edition: Drag Race on VH1
Do not even get me started.

Best Show To Watch While High: At Home With Amy Sedaris
Sedaris’ bonkers home how-to riff is not only hysterical whilst watching sober but is compounded in its absurdity when you have a little weed. I highly recommend you do that.

Worst Horror Movie: Blackcoat’s Daughter
All A24 horror (“horror”) movies are elitist art garbage products to make people with sticks up their asses, who consider horror to be “déclassé,” feel good about watching horror. Fuck them. Anyway, this film was a misguided mood ring around demonism that missed so many opportunities to toy with horror tropes. Worst of all, it was boring, the cardinal sin of horror films. Then again, that seems to be A24’s hallmark in the genre.

Best Trailer, I: Black Panther
I’m so excited for this movie and, more than any other trailer, the idea of this film made my nipples hard.

Best Trailer, II: Anihilation
I loved this book and this movie is going to fuck us all up. This didn’t necessarily make my nipples hard but it definitely made my ass tingle. Same-same?

Best Show Of 2017: Star Trek: Discovery
Hot take: no other show skewered international politics and culture better than this little revamp of the iconic utopian space series. It not only added some fun drama to the series but offered a different, intriguing take to the show’s formula, exhibiting a sort of evolution that JJ Abrams overlooked in exchange for literal flashes of light. This show gets me so excited and amped up for a spacey future and, with thrilling performances from Anthony Rapp, Doug Jones, Mary Wiseman, and more, the series may never get old. I would hand this title to The Good Place but Star Trek was so unexpected in a way that I don’t think I can articulate – and the sheer lack of word-of-mouth on this show exacerbated just how much of a gem it is.

Best Horror Movie: Get Out
Best Film Of 2017: Get Out
What else is there to say about this movie? Not only did it cast the reality of being a person of color in America as a horror story but it pushed beyond a genre, becoming so elevated and unanimously great that you couldn’t “@” the movie for anything. Yes, there may have been “better” critical successes this year but this movie crossed so many borders and barriers of ideologies and disciplines. Moreover, the acting was superb (Daniel Kaluya! Lil Rey! Catherine Keener! Keith Stanfield!) in addition to Jordan Peele’s stellar, nuanced, easter egg filled direction. Most importantly, to me, the film was a success because it did something that I’ve been begging the horror genre to do for years: make a film that turns the most forgotten genre, one that is seen as flip and pointless, into a political manifesto. Here’s hoping for more works as such.

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