It’s that time: when we are actively in a new year, living it out in the young days as the elder days is off to bed. Also, it’s that time when I share my year-in-review items as to be certain not to miss any late-occurring items.
2017 was quite a year. While the fabric of society appeared to be constantly aflame, the technologic landscape of video games and online items rose to the occasion to make us feel better (and worse) about how our world is hurling itself toward the sun at an ever increasing speed.
Thus, let’s look back on what made 2017 a year to be remembered and forgotten online.
Best Single Serving Blip Of A 2017 Twitter: @robotpornaddict
This dumb-but-brilliant Twitter was born in 2017 and died in 2017. The Twitter was a bot programmed to watch porn and try to describe what was happening in the image(s) although it was not programmed with the wherewithal or vocabulary to understand sex. The results were charming Internet innocence.
Saddest Twitter Death: @everywordisgay
Before October 16, there was a Twitter account that parroted out every single word in the dictionary with the word “gay” in front of it. It was a magical feat of techno queer magic that always surprised with the best and worst words at our disposal. Yet, sadly, at the word “gay sassies,” it all ended, inspiring dread and concern and eventual acceptance that Twitter’s favorite queer icon had died. RIP, @everywordisgay.
Strangest Merger: Fusion Absorbs Gawker, Becomes Splinter
This was strange, no? All properties are great but it’s like a Magic Eye: if you look at it too much, you get a headache.
Best YouTube Channel: Cut
Having worked for and consumed many, many videos that hope to be heartfelt and informative while Internet entertaining, a brand like Cut has stood out as a truly unique entity that is towing the lines of touching and taboo. Their work all exploded with those somewhat silly fashion-through-the-decades videos but have blossomed into very smart content about people being people. If you aren’t subscribed to this channel, you must. 2017 was their quiet breakout year.
End Of An Era: The Lifestyle YouTuber
I follow a decent amount of lifestyle YouTubers and, perhaps it is just me, but the air at their party seemed to have been sucked out. Maybe the world is too scary right now, maybe “that brand” of distraction is simply too light: unsure. Regardless, the lifestyle YouTube world – basically anyone loosely associated with the term “YouTuber” – died. The entire Logan Paul debacle nailed this coffin further shut too.
Best To Watch While High: Super Deluxe’s Stoned Mode
2016’s breakout content creator, Super Deluxe cornered the high market and ran. Their Stoned Mode was repeatedly good viewing when my bored yet high mind was antsy for more.
Best Digital Dog: Pet The Puppy At The Party
What a great, single serving video game. If you haven’t played it, play this delightful something!
Breakout Meme Queen: Freckle
— Chris Stephens (@ChrisStephensMD) August 23, 2017
Best Slow Burn / Best Crowdsourcing: Trump’s “Antifa” set to “Tequila”
I cannot tell you how many times throughout the year I’ve come back to this video. It’s so effective yet so dumb.
Missed You Most: Vine
Speaking of quick Internet somethings, this was the year where we all collectively gasped, trying to cobble together Vine from the dead. It didn’t hurt when Vine disappeared in 2016 but it felt most pronounced now. Yet, thank god it was gone because I couldn’t have withstood seeing fidget spinners on that platform.
Most Frustrating Until You Cheat: Resident Evil 7
I battled this game mostly unsuccessfully for the majority of 2017 and was so frustrated and made with the experience. Then, miraculously, I did something wild: I cheated. I followed walkthroughs. I was that guy! And? It was great. This game sucks otherwise, despite being delightfully creepy.
Most Frustrating, Period: Cuphead
I never wanted to throw a fucking gaming console out the window more. But how cute did it look??
The Hype Killed It: Dream Daddy
I never played this. Why? Because everyone told me to play it. It seemed to hop from gay niche to populist crush. This game, like many minority made things, was killed by accessibility. This marked the end of an era for the idea of “the daddy” too.
Best Single Serving Game: Hair Nah
Momo Pixels’ breakout “Don’t Touch My Hair” video game was a challenging and fun, artsy and snappy wander around very real issues of being different (Particularly, a woman of color.) in the world. It was so great and offered a brief display of a young maker’s talent.
Career Glow Up Award: Cat Frazier, AKA Animated Text
Cat had a breakout year considering her work with Super Deluxe saw her dry brand of Internet explode beyond her own properties via her series Y Tho. The shows started off as quick intellectual explorations of subjects best watched while high and exploded into nearly fifteen minute long neo-docs. Great work all around!
My aunt is having me house sit and watch her dog and omg she's too much lol pic.twitter.com/a6t7LGFFDR
— Tommy (@TommyRivers) July 9, 2017
Viral Internet Pet Of The Year: The Extra Aunt With The Extra Dog
Worst: Political Twitter
In a year when everything was too much to handle, all we didn’t need was XYZ political person’s “hot take.” Moreover, the mere presence of politicians online was suffocating. All of Twitter became “political Twitter.” It’s fun when you’re journalists chatting to journalists – it’s another thing when all of the world is just (wannabe) journalists talking to (wannabe) journalists. Is it 2020 yet?
i just laughed for 15 minutes straight pic.twitter.com/zAMgWglksE
— madison meyers (@madmeyers) September 17, 2017
Best Four Second Drama: “A KNIFE!” “NO!”
Best News Story Turned LOL: Avocado Toasts
I still cannot believe this was real.
Star Wars, but all of the light saber sounds are Owen Wilson saying "wow" pic.twitter.com/t5Yll0AV4h
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) July 14, 2017
The “Wow.” Award: Owen Wilson As Lightsabers
⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 🤠
🌈 💕 🌈
👇 💕💕 👇
howdy! im the sheriff of #WeGotThis 😎💕🌈
— Chelsea E. Manning (@xychelsea) July 31, 2017
Best Use Of Emojis: The Sheriff
Thank you, Chelsea Manning, for making this “a thing.” More sheriffs of liberalism!
Internet Star Of The Year: The Babadook
This queer Internet something was such a thing that I wrote not one but two stories about the subject. Perhaps a highlight of my work in 2017? Yes, most likely.
Meme MVP: Smoking Doinks Guy
I love this big weed loving boy.
Meme Style Of The Year: Death Memes
Morbid, sure, but they really make you think. Also, don’t eat Tide Pods, you dumbass.
Queer Meme Of The Year: The Futch Scale
Never have I related to anything more.
Meme Of The Year: Unfaithful Stock Image
Who else would have won this title? Think about it. Who else? Their reign still continues!
— BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) March 10, 2017
Viral Star Of The Year: BBC Interview Family
In such a shitty year, we must never forget these pure people.
Mobile Game Of The Year: Universal Paperclips
What a smart, simple, fun game. I’m still unraveling it and I still love it so much.
Game Of The Year, Before Nintendo Switch: Little Nightmares
If you told me in May that I would love a game more than Little Nightmares, I would have slapped myself in hysterics. It was such a lovely, fucked up, fun game with more style in a video game than I’ve seen in years. It advanced the tired Limbo neo-sidescroller format by adding creepy nuance and excellent storytelling. The add-ons were not as good as the original but, damn, the original was so great.
Game Of The Year: Super Mario Odyssey
…and then the Switch dropped. Every game was great!! I even loved Arms. And, because I have yet to put a sizable enough dent in Zelda, I’m giving the title of 2017’s best game to Mario because it was such an advancing of this mini-genre while being a callback to ace titles like Mario 64. It felt like the game company saw me and knew what I wanted, both with this game and with the platform itself. The game continues to surprise, unfolding with each new treat you discover. Plus? It’s super fucking gay. Top that.