While it would be easy to write about the first penis transplant in the United States, that feels like worn territory for me since the first transplant was such a revelation. Penis transplants are well treaded here.
But broken penises? Tell me more. The less severe cousin to penile seppuku, breaking your part is a fear of many penis owners realized by an fortunate few. But what is it like? How does it feel? What are the specifics surrounding the bottom falling out of your spaghetti factory?
Thanks to The Daily Mail, we now have an idea. The penile breaker was a 32 year old New Delhi man whose penis “snapped” during “vigorous sexual intercourse.” He said he heard a “loud ‘snapping sound'” and that was that. Does that sound terrible? Yes, that sounds fucking awful.
While your dick doesn’t have a bone, it does have two spongey tubes called the “corpus cavernosa” that are responsible for firming your dick. Those tubes carry blood and, when they break, blood leaks out and you end up with an “eggplant deformity,” a cutesy code for your snapped pee pee filling up with blood.
The snap had led to a tear in the corpus cavernosa’s sheath, which meant blood leaked out, creating the swelling and turning it black.
He was immediately rushed for emergency surgery to drain away the excess blood gathered in the penis and correct the tear.
A penile fracture occurs when the appendage is subject to a sharp, blunt force trauma, which can occur during vigorous intercourse or masturbation.
Since 1924, 1,600 cases have been recorded worldwide – roughly 16 instances per year, the Telegraph reports.
YEESH. That isn’t a lot of instances but that’s enough to make any penis person squirm. That sounds painful! And who is having sex this hard? Moreover, who is masturbating that hard? That’s fucking madness, y’all.
The article points out that partner-on-top sex accounts for half of fractures while “doggy style” is responsible for thirty percent of injuries and missionary for the remaining twenty. The issue can be fixed with surgery and, of course, will lead to things like erectile dysfunction.
Moral: have literally save sex so you don’t break your pee pee. And, if you must know, here’s what an Irish man said of his broken penis after it snapped, spurting blood “everywhere.” “I’ve never known pain like it,” he said. “It was absolutely excruciating.” Yeah, I’m sure. Be safe out there, pee pees.
And, if you must see it, here is the NSFW report on the broken dick. It includes a photo of the “Eggplant Deformity.” It’s disgusting but fascinating and really, really uncomfortable. Look at your own risk.