This Weed Pen Changed How I Hang Out

For a very, very long time as a result of a very, very ridiculous weed experience, I did not do anything with weed. It was a sad time. But, as I’ve aged, realizing how bad alcohol is for the system, I’ve turned my gaze to the bud to help unwind after a long day. It has been great.

I started experimenting with this form of “self-medicating” in January with the help of a Fez vaporizer. It was great! But, dang, it required constant refilling and could be messy considering it required grinding and disposal of the good shit. Blunts and bowls were great too but, alas, smoked up one’s apartment and made the act of smoking up a community affair that becomes all around you’s nasal affair. Edibles make me insane and I really wasn’t interested in topically administered marijuana. Where does that leave us? With vaping.

America’s favorite douche-tivity is a tough sell for me. It’s not sexy, it’s reeks of EDM complacencies, and often appears that you are fellating an invisible robot with rectangular testicles. Not cute. Moreover, how does one “test out” vaping a weed? I had this discussion with my weed person at the weed store and we landed on vaping via a “pen” (or e-cigarette) as the best solution. Her prescription was to test out vaping weed with a disposable pen. Why not? The result was introducing me to an LA based brand called Bloom – and they are great.

I got their single serving weed pen which is a sleek, white metal tube that looks like a minimalist cigarette. It reminds of the classic one hitter smoking devices but produces an elegant, airy white smoke and requires zero banging out of ash. There is a tiny vessel of concentrated weed oil and, despite seeming minimal, using the device a few times a week lasts you roughly two or three months. If memory serves me correctly, it cost less than $20 too. It made smoking up so much easier, so much more refined, and like something that is cool to do instead of something that is so mired by the baggage of pothead culture. It’s a sophisticated product.

After falling in love with the disposable (which, while great, is entirely wasteful – and inspired me to send an email to the company about recycling opportunities), I decided to up my game and get a non-disposable version of the product. It’s just as sleek and uses disposable cartridges that, while great, are cheaper, plastic versions of the more elegant disposable pen. Still: the device delivers the same high, lasts longer, and comes in a cute clam shell case that fits into any bag easily for on-the-go indulgence. It is truly fabulous.

This has changed how I hang out. All ideas of smoking or the weight of weed culture has been eliminated as I can pick up this item whenever I want for a little puff. It’s perfect from “micro dosing” or for totally baking out at home. I find myself replacing a glass of wine for a few puffs of the Bloom pen followed by a silly TV show, a bad horror movie, or a compilation of bygone Vines via YouTube. It’s a perfect weeknight relaxer or weekend playmate.

Moreover, it’s a particularly non-cheesy weed something. We’re entering an era of luxury smoking that steps weed up to the demands of the fancy and design focused. Bloom slides into this as their branding sets them as a brunch friendly, easy living associated weed something for twenty and thirtysomethings of a certain economic, urban mindset. It’s for the West Hollywood It folk and the Downtown art people, the Brooklyn graphic design types and the Mission District faux luxurists: it’s a brand making weed applications for Millennials concerned with lifestyle (which, truly, I am).

That’s why this brand and these devices have changed how I hang out: they’ve seemingly met me where I was confused or uneasy with weed and offered an application of the substance that fit into “my aesthetic.” It’s lovely and I cannot recommend this easily pocketed, kindly discreet way of getting high. Sadly, it’s only available and California and Washington at the moment but appears to be poised to expand soon and, hopefully, they do. It has thankfully answered my question of finding a parallel way of consuming a weed that was akin to enjoying a glass of wine. I didn’t think it was possible but, alas, Bloom did that for me – and might do that for you too.

Recommendation: Get High & Clean Your Apartment

For those of us without a cleaning person or parent picking up after, keeping a clean house can be a third job to follow your real job, to follow your myriad side-hustles. It’s an entire universe of a “to-do” to add to your “to-dos.”

It doesn’t have to be this way though for I have a solution that is much more fun and much more financially feasible than getting a person to clean for you: get high and clean.

I stumbled into this solution one weekend where Bobby was out of town, with me in a messy home with nothing else to do but think about how I wished my mess was so blessed that it did’t exist. So, I did something about it – but I didn’t want to do it whilst sober because, well, hashtag Sunday Funday. I didn’t want to drink because I’d only want to laze so, instead, I grabbed a little weed pen, took a few puffs, and got to work.

The results were magnificent. I went into hyper clean mode, going into both a deeper and more nuanced clean because my high typically takes me into a focus that usually enables deep viewings of shows like Rick & Morty or movies like Critters: there was a similar drive to see beyond what I was seeing, to do more than I was doing. So. I vacuumed, I dusted, I sprayed. I got on my knees and I scrubbed. I climbed a foot ladder and cleared cobwebs. I threw away things that had been demanding disposal for years. I was able to become a cleaning machine, thanks to weed.

The most significant aspect of this high cleaning was that it enabled an unbiased ingenuity and attention to detail that I otherwise get too lazy to indulge: I needed to clean my windows, had no window cleaner, and instead remedied the situation by fashioning cleaner out of lemon juice, rubbing alcohol, and distilled water placed in an old hair spray bottle. The results worked quite well as I went from window to window to window, cleaning the inside and outside of the glass. It was a next level clean, something I had not done since moving into the apartment. It wasn’t my desire to do this either but instead the call of the wild (weed).

I know that certain weeds and certain weed mediums work better with people but this really, really worked for me. Specifically, vaping some weed via an oil extract was perfect and – specifically, specifically – a sativa dominant strain a la Pineapple Express was particularly effective in enabling my high cleaning. It allowed for a physical productivity and mental singularity that one needs in cleaning independent of your mind racing around all the other shit you want or need to do. Getting high and cleaning makes everything easier. Just puff, puff, purify your place.

But, alas, this might not be for everyone. I know people who totally veg out when smoking or simply don’t smoke at all. I get that. This worked for me as it is a “physical” activity that doesn’t really have any consequence, that can be done ay home, and that – if stopped halfway – won’t really affect that much. Maybe don’t over bake yourself so that you take a nap after putting floor cleaner on the ground but don’t go so light on the weed that your buzz is being annoyed by your cleaning equipment. Don’t do this for more than two hours either as, per my experiences, after two hours of baking and cleaning you typically end up eating a snack and watching a dumb TV show. There are limits and, of course, the high wears away with your being more physicsl.

But, outside of said limits, high cleaning really does work. It’s a mixture of productivity and fun that really is another practical application of marijuana. Why not get high while cleaning? You don’t have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon at home.

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