After nearly a year of digital dream diary keeping, I realized some trends.
For example: Bobby appears a ton of times but my dogs do not. My friend Rod from high school? Always around! My nieces? Not so much. School? A constant! Childhood? Never. France and Europe? An occasional venue! Los Angeles? Never there.
It’s interesting how this plays into desires and wants and loves and hates. It reveals what we are actually thinking about. This is to say: keep a dream diary. It’s like a memoir of an alternate life.
Thus, my September dream diary. Enjoy!
Saturday, 9.1.2018, Los Angeles, CA
I am hanging out with Halley. I may need to stay at her place with Faizah but I don’t know. We’re supposed to go to a comedy show. We go and it’s nice and then there’s another, later, that a professor named Tom is speaking at. I miss his set but he tried some vaguely politically incorrect thing that made everyone uncomfortable. I leave and meet Elon Musk. Musk invites me to his place and I’m nervous and excited and stressed. I’m hoping he takes me in as a lover but also know it’s my responsibility as a journalist to log everything I hear and see. We drive to a hilly countryside akin to the California Central Valley. He lives in a huge property nestled against a hill. The house is big and empty and includes a ten story basement that is unfinished, that is essentially a dropoff from the living room to another room ten stories below. There is a lot of sexual tension. We go downstairs and it’s a fairly common backyard. I notice houses behind his which is weird since he’s so rich. He tells me lots of stories and is mean and not. He asks me to change to go swimming and I do. There are more people here now, who look like soldiers of some sort. They’re playing in Elon’s pool which looks like a public pool. I’m nervous and horny and try to escape to my room in a motel section pf bis propert nearby. I walk in and a woman is on one of the two motel beds. A giant window looks into the pool. A giant man, the size of a refrigerator and seven feet tall, is there too. And stressed. Elon appears. The refrigerator man is one of his employees. Elon beats the man like an angry father. I am so uncomfortable and pretend it isn’t happening. Elon even pushes the man against the wall and boxes his ears. Elon is even bigger than this giant man. He then checks if I am okay and leaves. Me and the woman sit there. “Has that happened before?” I ask. “All the time,” she replies. We don’t make eye contact.
Monday, 9.3.2018, Los Angeles, CA
I am riding a train, in what I assume is DC but is actually NYC. I talk to this woman and we keep talking and she goes to Amish Market in the train station for a sandwich and I just want a drink. The orders take forever. I go to find Bobby and he is working at a restaurant. I become hungry but I can’t find a menu. I leave and am at school? Unsure. I am with the woman who wrote The Mere Wife and am asking very smart questions and she is very nice and impressed and I feel like I have an “in.”
Wednesday, 9.5.2018, Los Angeles, CA
Van invites me and Bobby to an elegant, fancy, rich ass birthday party. For whatever reason, we decide to go. It is in the fanciest estate I’ve ever been to. It’s a handful of gay guys and rich girls and we feel out of place but participate the best we can because as non-rich, non-“pretty” people because the place is so fantastic. There are dinners and games and lavish things but the joy comes to an end after Kevin vomits in the pool a week later, bemoaning everyone’s behavior, because he got food poisoning and had to sit it out. We start cleaning up and found a bunch of rad vintage clothing to take. No one else wants them but we do.
We’re in a vintage store. There’s so much cool shit that is either really expensive or really cheap. Bobby keeps pulling stuff for me. We don’t buy anything.
I’m in a park at night. It’s a hillside park. I’m looking for something but cannot find it so I walk up the hill to where people are and continue and continue until I run into JB. We walk for a bit. I go into a house where Philip is. He’s cleaning and getting ready to go. He says I can stay as long as I clean. I do. The dogs are there and we are in Berlin, I realize. The owners come home. We get ready to go and I find Bobby and e wait around this fake house Airbnb next door. We are only here for two days and I need to tell people I’m in town. I realize I forgot something in the park so I walk out our backdoor and up the hill. The park is partly tilled through, like a balding man’s head. Tulips were once farmed here. I get to the dark park I found myself at. I need to find something I left (Olly?) but it all looks the same. Bobby shows up and we take a ski lift down and it is horrifying, like a very unsafe roller coaster. We make it to the bottom. Where should we go? What should we do? I tell him the one thing we must do is Berghain.
Thursday, 9.6.2018, Los Angeles, CA
Along with watching Warren Road — a street near my parents house — get repaved with straw and corn, I extol the virtues of buying vintage and used clothes only to Dorian Electra.
Monday, 9.10.2018, Los Angeles, CA
Bonby and I are at some sort of Christian Christmas camp in the mountains. It’s fun! Everyone is nice! But everyone is so painfully Christian. On the final night, we excuse ourselves from a big party to go to our room. I want a drink but it’s too late. People are trying to get in or find us but we ignore them. In the morning, we are cleaning up the place so we can check out and go. Bobby keeps inviting the Christians in and letting them hang out and party, uncleaning everything we clean. They leave the doors open and our dogs run away. I’m furious with him. He keeps acting like it doesn’t matter that we’re late and need to clean and that the dogs are gone. I stress that we have to go or we’ll never get out of this Christian nightmare. His mother shows up and she convinces him to stay longer. I force myself awake I am so frustrated.
I am hosting the cast reveal of Drag Race All Stars 4. It’s so exciting! But no one has prepared me. I go to introduce the first queen and can’t make out who she is. I believe it’s Laila McQueen. I introduce her and she gives me a very confused face but I’m not wrong. The next queen comes out and I am clueless. She tells me her season and I am at a loss. I realize this job will be hard.
Tuesday, 9.11.2018, Los Angeles, CA
I’m planning a party for Thomas or someone in a big house that is part arcade, part family heirloom. It’s a mess and absolutely disgusting. I put Brendan in charge of cleaning and decorating while I fix the games. Hours later, as the party is to start, I realized Brendan did nothing. I am furious and embarassed. I’m not alone as my mother and other relatives agree.
Tuesday, September 18, Los Angeles, CA
I’m working with my second boyfriend ever, Brandon, to create a play. We’re working with another group of people, writing a play simultaneously, trying to create two productions in tandem. The show will be backhandedly avant garde since it will be about nothing. At least that’s what we’re hoping ours will be like! The process gets confusing and both factions dislike each other. We insist we know what we’re doing even though we have no script completed or clear creative direction. The play seems to be happening at a venue that is like a house with the top half of the structure removed. Everything surrounding the space is wet and muddy, a forest on a bad day. Brandon and I march around the property. Before our play, I poke into a bedroom where Padma Lakshmi gives words of advice while breastfeeding.
Friday, September 21, Los Angeles, CA
Morgan Parker and I are living together. There are roaches and I am so impressed with how fearlessly she kills then. One crawls over a photo on the wall, at eye level, seeming to grow before flying — and she smacks the bug with a plate. It falls to the ground, spilling out what looks like split pea soup. “I got you!” she yells at the roach before picking it up and waving it in the air. “I got you!”
Thursday, 9.27.2018, Los Angeles
My sister and brother and I are on a plane that is a cruise ship. It crashes, spectacularly, and many survivors stumble out. We can’t find each other. I wander into town at dusk to find a bunch of open houses for some sort of work function, perhaps a holiday affair, being prepared. Each has a different mood, from the cool to the mom. I roam around with my friends Bobby and Robyn. We sneak around and leave when people leave. My parents are at one. They’re acting weird. I warn to take a lemon coconut cake or it will be forgotten. They feel like they were the reason for the crash but I assure them it is not despite knowing it was. I leave and go to work at my friend Dana’s place. I don’t want to work at her job but they feel bad for me and I do nothing. It’s a start up with five people and we just talk about feelings and eat catered meals. I leave. At home, there is another open house. I’m exhausted by them. I leave and return, trailed by Alison Becker and other comediennes going to the open house. I don’t tell them where to go.