FeardotCum is a series of pre-Halloween posts where myself and my friend Ross explore our mutual love of horror films and gayness. Each week, we will watch three horror movies and discuss via email and text. These are our thoughts.
Somehow, I’ve been able to keep up with watching movies (Up until this point at least, oy.), Ross more so than I but I did watch Gerald’s Game this week and it is a new camp classic. Anyway! This week, we dive into child’s play in myriad ways. Conversations were edited for length and clarity.
First, a movie self-branded as “the first horror comedy,” 1981’s Student Bodies. A secret delight? Yes. A thrilling horror movie? Not necessarily but it needn’t to be successful.
KF: SARAH PAULSON AS COLE ESCOLA IS TOBY: STUDENT BODIES COMING TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU
RT: Student bodies is so so so so funny
RT: And had a fuckton of gay j
KF: the boy prom queen killed me and diverse cast?? And that gangly fucking janitor?? what a strange gem
RT: The boy prom queen….
RT: Yeah, student bodies has a lot more in it than I expected
RT: INCREDIBLE strong female teacher performances – insane witchy characters
RT: Those actresses did not GIVE A FUCK
KF: it was also like such an extreme, nonsensical parody with a Wizard Of Oz ending
KF: and the deaths were somewhat clever and ridiculous? Especially compared with Cult Of Chucky (more on that later)
RT: The one in the car with the legs spread was disturbing n unforgettable
RT: Like trash mop Amy Smart tearing her jaw off in mirrors
RT: But yes student bodies: all the boys in trash bags????!!!!
KF: and Sarah Paulson in non-musical grease drag with balloon boobs??
KF: There must have been queers involved in this
RT: I think gays made student bodies
RT: It was so gay referencing and even inclusive
RT: The Sandy from Grease drag was a highlight
KF: And some weird shit like the eggplant????
KF: and the horse horny guy
KF: That final dream climax was just great too
KF: Then of course the carrie ending
RT: The horny horse bookends prof and Carrie ending yes incred.
RT: What’s shocking is how highbrow it was, in terms of lowbrow
RT: BY THAT I MEAN:
RT: I expected Scary Movie, and I got Mel Brooks.
KF: it was that
KF: Like the mom paying the babysitterʼs parents was when i went OK THIS IS GOOD
touches like that made it something different
RT: I agree. Student Bodies is subtly an Airplane-level stunner.
RT: A genre-encompassing satire
RT: Ahead of its time.
KF: hold one more STUDENT BODIES thought: i appreciated that the ending was proto THE FACULTY in it being “we are teachers who hate students so we killed them for being sluts, etc”
KF: and from NYT in 1981: “it’s all downhill for ”Student Bodies,” which means to do to the high-school horror picture what ”Airplane!” did to the ”Airport” movies and other random-disaster films, but never succeeds. This is a real disappointment, because Mr. Rose, who cowrote Woody Allen’s ”Take the Money and Run,” ”Bananas” and ”What’s Up, Tiger Lily,” is a funny man.”
RT: I sensed the early Woody humor too! That’s a good little thing
RT: I love that faculty idea too
RT: Few movies take the teacher concept and run with it
Second, a brand new turd to share via 2017’s Cult Of Chucky, a terrible new entry into the killer doll canon. It’s on Netflix so watch at your own risk, aimless scrollers.
KF: okay so chucky.
KF: i feel like DISAPPOINTED is not the right word but also what the fuck did we watch
RT: CULT OF CHUCKY IS DISAPPOINTING – STARTS OUT PROMISING AND HAS SURPRISINGLY AMBITIOUS IDEAS – BUT IS SO MESSY THROUGHOUT & UGLY TO LOOK AT!
RT: The series is unimportant now BUT lesbian ending was gleeful….
KF: lesbian ending WAS gleeful
KF: a lot of nice touches tho head in the box insane asylum
KF: gay latino nurse (me)
KF: multiple dolls
KF: cute multiple personality guy (A REACH I AM AWARE)
KF: modernist prison
KF: but all SQUANDERED
KF: i dont remember loving the one before this but a bunch of nothing happened here
KF: No good deaths, so much talking, Fiona “Im My Dad In Drag” Dourif
KF: who is worse: FIONA or SHERRY MOON
KF: this entry shifted it from decent fun to a FULL MOON FEATURE
KF: if the gingerdead man made a cameo, i would have been wholly unsurprised
RT: FIONA VS SHERI!!! That is amazing
RT: Honestly Fiona’s only had two mediocre appearances and Sheri’s had at least 2 or 3 good Zombie appearances so I vote Sheri
RT: I hated the multiple dolls!! And then one of them gets suffocated right away by crazy mommy!! (A fun character she was tho)
KF: i mean its pretty tough since Sheri is just so fucking god awful
KF: yes i agree with that
KF: i hated that one looked so much like the baby chucky / melissa ethridge when she had cancer
RT: oh my god
KF: COULD have been such a fun motif but squandered
RT: See I thought it looked like Fran Kranz the actor
RT: CAN YOU LAUGH AT THAT
RT FROM CABIN IN THE WOODS
KF: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i had to look him up
RT: As a hospital horror,
RT: I think it was above average!
RT: Buuuut it was so messyyy
KF: it just made me want to watch DREAM WARRIORS not the same BUT
RT: Hospital horrors suck except DREAM WARRIORS and EXORCIST 3
KF: words out my mouth
RT: The schizo guy was indeed hot
RT: We get some great looks at
KF: i liked that initial jump cut of “my babysitter was killed” and then flash to the first movie
KF: that set a tone that…was not followed and the opening credits were like “OH WOW POWERPOINT” thats when i knew: this is bad. this is real bad.
KF: another question: did they BEG jennifer to be in it or did jennifer BEG to be in it?
KF: also i do not appreciate how over artuclated / fake the new chucky faces look: they look like props instead of dolls
KF: and the doll voice was so bad!!!! why did they re-record them!!
RT: The new chuckys are AWFUL
RT: And fans everywhere must be thinking that
RT: the babysitter tone WAS dropped
RT: THEY BEGGED
RT: But also you don’t have to beg with her
RT: She’s like I don’t care anymore about anything besides gambling
KF: i feel like they gave her a bottle of skinnygirl margarita and she was like OKAY
RT: Also this is really sad/campy:
RT: Wasn’t this the first time in the series Jennifer’s actually looked old and WASHEDDDD?
KF: you know what i didnt think so i thought she still looked SIMILAR but not THE SAME
KF: i thought she still looked the part albeit blame can be pointed to bad costuming
RT: And Jennifer’s hideous makeup!
RT: Her trademark voice is leaving her 🙁
KF: her voice is leaving which is SAD
KF:i guess wise move to poker then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
KF: also maybe this was me but the entire chucky lineage / universe is a soup in my brain now
KF: ive lost track of everything i had a clear sense since the baby but then now? no clue
RT: I agree
RT: Seed was the last semblance of “coherence”
RT: Curse was unnecessary
RT: Cult is fun but beyond unneeded
RT: 🙁 🙁 why don’t they stop
RT: BUT STILL LOVE DON
KF: YES TRUE STILL LOVE DON
RT: BIG GAY HORROR DON
KF: i dont want a gritty reboot
KF: but i want them to take themselves SERIOUSLY
RT: Who keeps going back to the Chucky well for sequels!
RT: Child’s play 1-3 were “drama horror” basically
KF: i mean 2 is all out gay
KF: the older sister?? gay also sad thing to consider
KF: should we put a countdown on when this will get a complete reboot / remake?
KF: i can feel it coming i say by 2020 word will be annou
RT: her name was KYLE. Older sis
RT: Blumhouse might try something stupid w Chucky. Though I can’t wait to run out this week and give happy death day more money!!!
KF: on both accounts yes
See you next week, when we reach our cum filled finale!