FeardotCum is a series of pre-Halloween posts where myself and my friend Ross explore our mutual love of horror films and gayness. Each week, we will watch three horror movies and discuss via email and text. These are our thoughts.
Ah, yes: another week of scary splooge. This week, we tackle the ephemera of evil by way of two movies about objects taking over one’s world for the worse. Note that our sexts were condensed and edited for clarity.
KF: okay bobby and i watched death note last night and it was OK but also made my head hurt
RT: I totally agree
RT: It was def well made
RT: In terms of “FILMMAKING” it’s one of the best teen horrors in years, up there with It Follows etc
RT: Incredible soundtrack, score too (Atticus Ross of NIN!!!)
RT: Adam Wingard doing great (unlike his brief detour into shit aka Blair Witch)
RT: Buuuut the plot turns into a fucking mess: international intrigue; all the book’s “rules”
KF: Wait wait wait ATTICUS did the score
KF: and the plot was a twisted mess but looked great! But no YOURE NEXT
RT: You’re Next & It Follows & House Of The Devil are all above but this
RT: But it’s better than most teen horror these days
KF: it seemed to try to do so much in such little time which is probably the downfall of it adapting an anime series vs movie
KF: yes true
RT: Omg and the fanboys online have been BASHING IT BC ITS NOT THE JAPANESE VERSION WOW
RT: I agree it bit off more than it could chew.
KF: that was my question! i get whitewashing but this seemed more like adapting the ring?
RT: It wasn’t whitewashing it was a literal American remake!
KF: then again, the international intrigue seemed pulled from something distinctly japanese (via the japan scene) which made it…weird
RT: Ok the first 20 minutes though, I could watch forever:
RT: 1. Slo-mo grungy teen intros to a rock song
RT: 2. The book arrives immediately
RT: 3. The couple flirts & tussles with a Billy
RT: 4. The monster appears and is kind of perfectly hilarious (Willem)
RT: 5. Final destination decapitation!!!
RT: 1 thru 5 flawless. Then it got messy
KF: real messy
RT: too messy
KF: okay thats what i love, which the movie escaped: an intentional final destination
KF: final destination by design
KF: that was FUN
KF: but you only got that, say, twice, with the bully and at the end / ferris wheel
KF: but it was so convoluted at points
RT: Yes. It only happened beautifully twice
RT: I agree convolute
KF: like the ending i was like “i dont even know what the fuck is happening”
KF: and the relationship with mia, whose name i didnt even “get” until she died, was like “well that happened fast”
RT: The script even tried to make a joke like “how many rules does this book have!!?”
KF: and im glad the guy from Get Out was not played by an asian guy because that would have been orientalism to the max
RT: Yes. Poorly handled
KF: he was GREAT
KF: dumb role but yes
KF: but!!!! there were still no asian characters!!!!!!
RT: Masi Oka. And the strong guy.
KF: oh right
KF: but not a lead / foil to die
KF: no TEEN asian
KF: also another thing: all the death effects were WONDERFUL
KF: realistic yet ridiculous
RT: That’s the tone
KF: like the truck, the ladder head, etc.
RT: It had a great tone/direction
RT: Like hard rock horror
KF: very very well done and that kept me from wanting to strangle the bad dad actor
RT: 🙁 I know
RT: Kinda hot though!
KF: and the blatant ridiculous premise of kira that was payed off not-that-well
KF: if you SQUINT
KF: five years ago, better clothes
RT: I squinted.
RT: Yeah kira as Banksy/Anonymous 👎
RT: Didn’t WORK
RT: But I have to overall give it credit for the style, the correct 2017 teen angst without overdoing it, and the monster and the effects
KF: i think NET POSITIVE but not a good movie
KF: its like i saw the mood board and loved it
KF: but then what came out of the mood board was not what i was sold on
Yeah, very OK.
Onward! Ouija: Origin Of Evil is a 2016 sequel horror movie inspired by a fucking board game. Yes, really. However, it isn’t bad. It’s quite good feminist horror fun. Yes, you read that correctly.
RT: Ouija Origin of Evil was a low budget Conjuring 1 and it was honestly better than Conjuring 1
RT: I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!i
RT: It was a comedy
RT: With horror elements and honestly its comedy was better than its horror but still so beautifully lit and adorably written and ELISABETH REASER and hot priest Henry Thomas and those outfits 😱
RT: A blumhouse SUCCESS
RT: Small, feminist, effective
KF: OKAY I WATCH OUIJA NOW i forgot how fucking great the atmosphere they created was (title shots, split screening, gauzy filters, etc)
KF: plus im a little mad the mom isnt maria dizzia from CHRISTINE
RT: WE RESLLY ARE GAY!!!!
RT: Elisabeth REASER was the original Maria Dizzia
RT: Maria’s only been alive since OITNB/christi
KF: FAIR FAIR
KF: but DIZZIA has that strange pout that i cant get enough of
RT: Puppy pout
RT: Ouija 2 has such a good sense of humor – true mom and daughter humor
RT: Blumhouse done well
KF: why isnt bella thorne the red head daughter
KF: “whats a scam…the lady said we were a scam”
KF: BELLA IS A SCAM
RT: OK THE LITTLE GIRLS SPECIAL EFFECTS
RT: WERE HIGHLY CAMPY
RT: Ode to poltergeist
RT: I don’t know why horror movies are obsessed with “long stretching mouths”
RT: Do you know what I mean
RT: Like yelling demons
RT: With vertical mouths
KF: or just big mouthed men who are swallowing a head or even women!
KF: like that lorna gray movie or whatever (which was actually a great payoff)
KF: deborah logan EXCUSE ME (no idea who lorna is)
RT: IS LORNA SCOTT
RT: THE OLD LADY FROM
RT: DRAG ME TO HELL
RT: ANOTHER OPEN-MOUTHED HORROR
RT: Excuse me Lorna Raver
RT: Honestly this was better than the Conjuring
RT: Because Conjuring thinks it’s scary and fails
RT: This is a SOLIDLY GOOD movie with light horror effects
RT: I wish it had been “winking” like this – less bleak and James Wan
KF: i think it understands how fucking ridiculous of a concept it is and that it is a commercial
KF: also i LOVE the morose younger daughter
KF: is she thora birch
RT: She’s like a bell
RT: We have to call attention to how a franchise moved itself from slasher to possession horror in just one move
KF: its like all the found footage stuff made that happened but then the found footage device dropped but the possessions stayed
KF: what does this say about the psyche of america? that we are all fearing we are imposters or something?
KF: the daughter earnestly searching for her dad while also welcoming herself to be possessed is a new type of child terror entry
RT: That is shocking
RT: It’s very odd.
RT: It’ll open up a new genre of “welcoming possession” horror
RT: “I welcome this ghost”
KF: i mean, its classic in the sense of the “inviting in the ghost” or whatever in the canon of horror but embracing and pursuing possession is different from the “IS THERE ANYONE IN HERE??” trope
KF: oh and with that the demon is fisting her mouth
RT: That was gross
RT: Ouija 2 did occasionally dip into bad monster tropes
RT: But that’s just a “studio note”
KF: yes exactly
KF: but slingshotting a kid at a catholic school? PERFECT
KF: followed up by boob mom
KF: and seducing a priest over a meal about the daughter’s grades!!!!
RT: Come on
RT: That’s not v feminist of you!!
RT: She didn’t seduce him FOR the grades
KF: its not but sheʼs a single mom who is taking charge of her life
KF: NO NO NO NO
RT: She thought about the dinner about her
RT: But it was about the grades
RT: She just wanted male attention
KF: seducing as in “i want this to be a date” she didnt care about the daughter!!
RT: ok yes
KF: THAT is perfect
KF: and like such a statement of her mindset
KF: the NEED
RT: She felt like a real human
KF: via a pink dress with cleavage
RT: Good job ouija 2
KF: omg they even got the daughter to change her timbre of speaking a nice touch also OF COURSE nazi connections
KF: okay come on how do people not know there is a DONT BREATHE style torture room in their house where are the real estate agents
KF: ALTHOUGH i do appreciate that this had a late act twist to shift from possesion to minor haunted house story AND THE DEAD BOYFRIEND grabbing the sister!! nice touch
RT: It turns into a Blumhouse of Horrors very quickly
KF: okay that was excellent but, honestly, the ending (before the mental institution epilogue) was one of the more fucked up conclusions in horror
RT: REMIND ME
KF: first, the older sister sews the younger sisterʼs mouth shut, “silencing” her but also literally killing her (!!!!!!) and then you see her meet the dad again (!!!!!😟 !!!!!!) and then you think thatʼs the conclusion but then she kills the mom (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) who also passes over to the dead family and is “happy” but it was all done so tenderly, instead of a vicious, flip horror way
KF: then mental institution
RT: (I love it)
RT: All of it feels original
RT: Like clearly homages
RT: But in an original way
RT: Cuz of REASER and general acting and subtleties
KF: it felt so genuine and, like the rest of the movie, earnest
KF: i could have done without the mental institution but STUDIO NOTE
Have you seen this cum? Did it scare you? Thoughts? See you next week!