If you told me that this throwaway post about the sex appeal of a man using a hoverboard—an article based on an opinion piece—would be my most popular post, I would laugh in your face because that is a ridiculous thing to think about.
In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that the post has been gaining traction. I’ve wondered about it and I’ve Tweeted about it and I’ve Tweeted about related keywords but I finally have proof: people are getting their freaky ass off on hoverboards.
Do you not believe me or that story? First, click on this very NSFW .gif to see for yourself. People are fucking with these things! This is not a drill. People want to know about the facts, too. I know this because people are coming to me to find out answers. Just look at these (small) numbers—
Since being published, the story has gotten almost 600 hits as of last night.
But when did this interest get going? In the past thirty days: since November 22, the post has earned 557 hits as of last night.
So what are people searching to find hoverboard sex (but finding my article instead)? Let’s look…
To recap, people are wondering about hoverboard sex and they are actively seeking information on the subject. Great? This must be a marker that we are doomed—and I’m a leading provider on knowledge regarding the newest manifestation of contemporary sexual embarrassment.