Getting That Gay Ass At The Republican National Convention

Can you imagine being the lone tribe of LGBTQ persons at the Republican National Convention? I can’t. That sounds very, very scary.

Not only because the party recently gave us the cold shoulder after queer insiders pushed for pro-LGBT stances, an act that baffled high level LGBT Republicans, but because the party has become such a breeding ground for hate, negativity, and prejudice: why would a minority body want to be present? I would be so worried that someone was going to hate crime me or someone else in my group because we were “not like them,” we were the crazed liberals that loopy speakers were decrying and tossing into the burning fire pit reserved for Hillary Clinton. I don’t care how you try to push it, New York Times, but going gay with the GOP sounds like a scary hate hell.

…that is, unless you like getting hate fucked by heavy breathers with guilty consciences. As if it has to be said, there is a flaming culture of gay sex at the Convention. The Daily Dot did the lord’s work by combing through Cleveland’s Craigslist to find what sex was wanted by visitors. The results are exactly what you think: filthy.

It seems like every man who’s in Cleveland for the RNC wants to have hot gay anal sex with another dude—or preferably, a giant man-on-man muscle orgy of conservative lobbyists in suits and ties (with maybe the butts cut out of the pants, though).

Many of the Craigslist ads were written in sado-masochistic language, with a particularly competitive streak running through them. Locals and attendees were ready to use, or be used, mercilessly.

The posts range from wanting discrete acts to over the top lewdness.

The most interesting group of posts are obviously the closet chasers, the Republican baiters who wanted sex with those on the down-low.

One local Cleveland gay man posted casually that he was up for a party: “If you have a couple people who wanna pound out a tight hole, I’m your dude.” After a scintillating description of his desired sex acts, the m4m ensured discretion with “I don’t suck and tell.” Which is important in today’s conservative GOP climate.

Clearly this person has a lot of valuable assets.

What’s great (“great”) about all this is that these ads represent a quaint, backwardness that is only appropriate for the GOP. Remember the episode(s) of Transparent where Maura and Marcy sifted through discrete nineties ads to find a crossdressing camp? That’s exactly how these feel as they are the outlets for fantasies, role plays, and subversions that most modern people take to social media sites like Grindr and the like to fulfill. In antiquated GOP land? Craigslist, the sex Pennysaver.

But, there is something somewhat delightful about this, a reminder of the playfulness of sex, gay and not, despite some requests being somewhat unsavory (i.e., politically incorrect).

Another “athletic” and “bearded” m4m made his interests crystal clear: “I’m looking for GOP tops. I’m quite the opposite, a DNC bottom.” He noted the difference in tone between the two political parties as well.

“I like to assume GOPers are aggressive fuckers who just want to pound you into submission. I can live w that,” said the submissive, hairy Democrat. “Be assertive. Be verbal. Be the boss. Grudge fuck me.”

Other horny conventioneers fantasized about race play and even—gasp!—heterosexual sex. A self-described “charcoal black man” said he was well-hung and wanted to role play as “Mandingo for on the auction block” with a female Republican in town for the festivities. Let’s not even touch that one.

Well. If you are in Cleveland right now, it’s high time for low pants at the Republican National Convention. Get it the fuck on, y’all.

And, while on the subject, a shout out to the poor hardworking queers over at the Log Cabin Republicans: after being shut out by the party, the group placed an advertisement in USA Today to air grievances. Hear, hear! I might not agree with your politics but we are a family and I support you guys standing up to be heard and counted in a party that tries to erase you. You are doing martyrs’ work and that cannot be overlooked.

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