Happy Pride! Here are some fictionalized versions of emails I’ve been sent this month to show you the reality of being a queer in public during hashtag Pride.
FROM: Assistant Account Executive For Brand
DATE: Day Before Something Launches
Gay icon, Sir Gay Person, is finally doing the unthinkable: creating a rum.
The rum is a dark rum perfect for summer. It’s fully bodied and heavy, thick and bold. Exactly what you’ve been looking for this Summer – and exactly like the LGBT community!
With this, Sir Gay Person has really outdone it: put Pride in a bottle.
If you’d like to cover Sir Gay Person’s newest endeavor, we can offer you a very small discount. Please let me know if you need anything else.
– PR Person
FROM: People I Haven’t Spoken To In At Least Six Months
DATE: Days Before A Pride Parade
Hope you’re doing well.
I wanted to send a note since we’re doing a project about the importance of Pride. We were hoping you could attend on our behalf and interview people about the importance of Pride and being out for a project for us.
Your name wouldn’t appear on the project and it would be for a brand. We’d love to work with someone who is in the community and give them a normal to subpar rate.
– Looking For A Token
FROM: A Brand Email Blast
DATE: June 8
We’ve Got You Covered For Pride!
Get 50% With The Code GAYANDPROUD This Pride Weekend, Only If You Use The Code Within Five Miles From Where The Pride Parade Will Be Taking Place.
We Love You For Being You! Now Be You With Us!
Act Fast! Limited Quantity Available.
FROM: Coworker From A Long Time Ago
Long time, no talk 🙂
As you know, it’s Pride and we’re totally getting ready to do a big Pride Company Effort. We’re throwing a super cool party and we’d love for you to attend!
And, given what you’re doing now and how you roll (haha), would you be interested in attending, covering, and bringing friends? We’d love to have some of your flavor 🙂
The theme is Rainbow Realness. Break out them stripes and glitter!
Will be in touch with updates! Hoping to see you there!
– Coworker From Way Back When
FROM: A Corporate Brand PR Person
DATE: Days Into Pride
With Pride under way, This Huge Brand is donating a lot of money to help with young gay people in helping them be out by donating to Huge Nonprofit That Needs No Help With Funding. This is huge!
Huge Brand is also having a music festival featuring Not A Gay Artist, Also Not A Gay Artist, and This Not Gay Artist as well. It’s going to be fun!
Huge Brand has also created a documentary about LGBTQ+ people. It’s about being LGBTQ+ and Something Antithetical To Queerness. Can you believe that? Here’s a statistic that you have seen before to support this.
Would you be interested in covering for A Place You Contribute To? Please let me know at your earliest convenience.
– PR Person I Have Never Emailed With But Is “A Fan” Of My Work