I Guess I’m A Brony Now

I am a Brony now. Why? I am Brony for Rick Owens because he made a My Little Pony figure.

It is all black. It barely has any eyes. It has a little scarf and hair befitting of an orc. It looks like it is made out of velvet. Or is it leather? I have a feeling it’s leather. It’s Rick Owens. It is probably made out of leather.

Does this Little Pony have a wife who is a witch? Has this Little Pony ever publicly shared its penis for the sake of a runway show? Does this Little Pony consider himself Health Goth? What does this Little Pony think about?

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“Hi, Little Pony. Can I pet you? What do you taste like? Can we feast on each others flesh and consume dark blood to make more blood, imbibing the ironous liquid until our teeth glow a dark garnet? Will you lick my gums? I will lick your gums. I will hold your hair as you cackle at a moonless sky. We will hold hoofs as we ride each other into a valley of shame.”

Anyway, I bet this pony thinks about death but neither in a passive “I need to kill.” way or in the emotional “We all die.” way. His thoughts about death are the same thoughts one has when staring in a dirty puddle. It’s an inevitable state. It’s everything and nothing, ugly and beautiful. He is probably inspired by its complete absence of light. He does not ride rainbows to see his friends. He rides swift kicks to the heavens, blows to god. Definitely not rainbows.

Will Rick make more toys? Is he a Brony? Or is he a selective Brony, only Brony for his own Brony creation? Does he know that his design is better than that of my other favorite designers, Humberto Leon and Carol Lim of Kenzo? Their pony looks too plain. I would not Brony for them.

I guess this is what it means to be a Brony. I am Brony for Rick Owens: this is a coming out. Does mean I have to touch its genitals or something? I bet they smell like Oak.

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