If You Love Nepotism, You’ll Love The New Gap Campaign

It’s high time for rich people, amirite?

You look at the White House and see the nepotistic fuck fest that is the Trump administration. You look at the Academy Awards and rapey perv Casey Affleck survived turmoil to get a nomination. And then you look at fashion and, well, it’s a shit mess of celebrity incest.

This is nothing new and an ongoing logged frustration that I have with the world: enabling a system that blocks out the less-thans in exchange for more of the same greater-thans. It feels like a constant losing battle of being never-good-enough when compared to a celebrity or otherwise rich person’s child. That is the way of the world, I suppose.

And Gap isn’t resting idly as nepotism rules: they’re catching the trend. They are charging directly to the center of the issue by raking celebrity nostalgia in the hopes of revitalizing the brand. As a part of their new The ’90s Archive campaign—a re-issuing of some of their classic, near-thirty year old styles—they’ve tapped a heavy, gross roster of celebrity kids to spoon feed shoppers their content.

Don’t believe me? Of the seven models (“models”) leading the campaign, six are the direct result of celebrity. From left to right, they are:

• TJ Mizell, the “son of legendary DJ and Run–D.M.C. founder Jam Master Jay,” maybe musician, and person with less than six thousand followers on Twitter.
• Coco Gordon Moore, Sonic Youth founding member Kim Gordon’s “22-year-old daughter with fellow Sonic Youth member Thurston Moore.” This is not Coco’s first big campaign considering she posed with her mum for Marc Jacobs in 2015. How fucking alt rock, dudes! Hand everything over to your god damn post-teenage daughter because that is rebellion at its core, right? Daydream nation superstar teenage riot.
• Rumer Willis, from “famous parents Bruce Willis and Demi Moore,” who “have been a source of inspiration to her and her career.” Talk about a die hard worker! Dance with these stars, baby.
• Evan Ross, “the son of Arne Næss, Jr, and singer Diana Ross, 72, the latter of which received the Medal of Freedom from President Barack Obama.” He’s an “actor and musician” and is married to Ashlee Simpson. They have a daughter named Jagger. Yes. More on that later.
• Chelsea Tyler, “the daughter of Aerosmith rocker Steven Tyler” who is married to “the younger brother of actor Ben Foster.” So fucking awesome! Love in an elevator, come hell or high water!!!!
• Lizzy Jagger, “the oldest daughter of Rolling Stone Mick Jagger and model Jerry Hall.” First, there is more than one of these Jagger-Halls. Second, what was the conversation between Evan Ross and Lizzy Jagger about Ross’ daughter Jagger? Was it about how the little girl is named after rough edges and sharp points? Perhaps.

Obviously, this type of shit gets me going as it is literally giving jobs to people because they have a famous name, all under the guise of showcasing a “new generation of icons.” Give me a fucking break.

The one silver lining here is that all these celeb kids are extreme second fiddles to the main attraction: Naomi Campbell, the 46 year old supermodel whose mother had her at 19, got her into dance, and put her on a path toward modeling and entertainment. Naomi also has no kids, another irony in this mush pot of a campaign dedicated to famous lineage considering in thirty years Lil Campbell won’t make a cameo.

Anyway. In case you were intrigued by this Gap collection, I’m here to ring the alarm to tell you that these attractive, otherwise nice people are in the position that they are in via a generous advantage many of us don’t have. As they say: wake the fuck up, sheeple—and probably prepare for the next campaign to star the Trump siblings.

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