There is this guy who paints with his penis. His name is Pricasso. Literally, he uses his penis hole and actual penis and butt hole to paint. His work is very important.
So how does one paint with his penis? You dunk it in paint, obviously. The Daily Beast explains:
“Firstly, I grab my penis and testicles and plunge the whole lot into a pot of paint,” Patch tells the Daily Beast. “The combination of balls and dick holds lots of paint, so then I just scrub them all over the canvas, which I hold in one hand until the canvas is sufficiently covered.”
That actually sounds exciting. I mean, yes, I’m concerned that paint will get into your parts and get stuck in your hairs—but it sounds exciting. I know this from an experience I will have to write more about later where I had sex with a guy and he wanted to finger paint each other as foreplay. We rubbed paint all over each other and then did our doing. It was great but removing paint from chest hair (and pubes) was painful. I also know that painting with your dick may be intellectually stimulating as writer Thomas Wolfe was known for fondling himself in order to excite his writing. Maybe these men are onto something.
But, hold on, let’s get real: is it strenuous to paint all day with your wee? Duh.
“I do get tired and sore painting for thirteen hours a day for four days. It does get really tender and stings a lot, so I do wrap my penis and testicles up at night.” In fact the steps to properly care for his penis are nearly as elaborate as the painting process.
“Firstly, I put on an antiseptic numbing cream and then wrap the whole lot up in kitchen wrap using the balls as an anchor so it stays on all night,” he explains.
“In the morning, it bursts its way thought the wrapping—you know what penises are like in the morning (Editor’s Note: Yes, we know)—fully recovered and hold able again.”
Oh, of course. Penises are superheroes. Penises are perfect. Long live penises and the paintings made by them.
(Also, this guy trends like once a year—as he should—and I always confuse him for the Painter Of Pancakes, who also trends once a year.)
(And shoutout to Luke for sending this to me. You know people know you when they send you articles related to penis painters.)