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Loglines For Fall 2017 Fashion Week(s)

I’ve been holding back on doing the loglines since there has been fashion everywhere. There’s too many shows i nthis economy!!

So, after a long time of digesting, please enjoy loglines for Fall 2017. Some great things!

Men & Women

• Calvin Klein Collection: A grandmother’s tweed couch and pastoral scene couch, wrapped in plastic (when it’s good) and left unprotected (when it’s bad). (NOTE: This all felt very…recycled? If it wasn’t the 1970s, it was defanged last year’s Balenciaga. If it wasn’t abuelita, it was Chanel 2014. And, at 64 pieces, you’d think there would have been more ideas.)
• Gypsy Sport: Abuela Woodstock Haight Ashbury Jersey City 2002
• Balmain: The same show every time.
• Yeezy: Literally you went to a vintage store on Melrose but wore it in a mansion in Calabasas.
• Trina Turk: Autumnal late afternoon cocktails in Palm Springs.
• Michael Kors Collection: Sweet, sweet mall Dynasty androgyny.
• Moncler: “It’s A Small World” being sung by people from all over the world but the lyrics have all been changed to, “Sure, pa.”
• Vetements: “The Russians are coming,” but softly spoken, perhaps mumbled, bored.
• Coach: Literally a 1970s horse drawn coach through the plains.
• Philipp Plein: More like Zzzeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzy, amirite???? (NOTE: Literally, this is the worst show I’ve seen in a very long time. No wonder Tiffany Trump was there.)
• Eckhaus Latta: Stuck and knitted adult baby clothes.
• Jeremy Scott: 70s/90s, hippie/grunge-y, saintly/secular, etc.
• Paul Smith: Tweedy tackle box.
• Vivienne Westwood: A new sun rises, out of the box.
• Pyer Moss: The American equivalent to AMI.
• The Elder Statesman: Expensive, tribal Annie Lee Larson.
• J.Crew: Same shit, different year.
• Public School: Fighting back from the early nineties.

Women

• Nicole Miller: Bandana Gypsies by Kenzo™
• Jason Wu: “I grew tired of what they thought I should wear to work. So, I rebelled. I became too beautiful for them. I became a jewel.”
• Cynthia Rowley: Exactly what you think a brand called “Gypsy Sport” would make, if it were a mall brand in 2006.
• Kate Spade: J.Crew Spain
• Tanya Taylor: The woman at the art show with dinner plans afterwards.
• Adam Selman: The True Craft Romance
• Marc Jacobs: Lil Pimplettes in the Brown Phase.
• Oak: This disco loves no one.
• Noon By Noor: Shades Of Coffee
• Thom Browne: Penguin Skater Gurls, Frosted Harlequin Country Romance (NOTE: This is a great show.)
• Marchesa: Fairy tale bog gauze velvet East.
• Anna Sui: Lush peasant wallpaper.
• Monique Lhuillier: Manhattanite Princess
• Delpozo: A vision of a high ranking space official as envisioned from 1960s jewel tones.
• Raquel Allegra: “This juice cleanse is over.”
• Zac Posen: Cascading, pleated ambivalence.
• M Martin: Cate Blanchett
• Narcisco Rodriguez: A color blocking peep show.
• Brandon Maxwell: Fanning va voom
• Gabriela Hearst: Hints of reference, curves of change.
• Tory Burch: The many rooms at this girl’s boarding school.
• Elizabeth & James: Cozy, daily couture.
• The Row: Hippy wrapping.
• Oscar De La Renta: The Morris Louises, Matisses, and Ellsworth Kellys came alive.
• Rosie Assoulin: Peplum cut-and-paste
• 3.1 Phillip Lim: Chained and striped around the pink dot (but not pink).
• Proenza Schouler: Harold And The Purple Crayon goes to art school and makes designer clothing.
• Alexander Wang: Cocaine is the new black.
• Christian Siriano: Luxurious details in the velveteen dreams for all.
• VFiles: Everyone loves suits now, I guess.
• Rebecca Minkoff: Coachellater.
• Creatures Of Comfort: Various states of droop for Fall.
• Kendall + Kylie: Sad, wannabeezy.
• Jenni Kayne: Ojai andro-lounge.
• Rachel Comey: Confused international art students, just looking for their classroom.
• Rachel Zoe: “Have you heard of clothing? These are clothing—but fancy.”
• Rachel Antonoff: Slouching toward interesting lady snacks.
• Kenzo: Strapped down into the idea of a tropical vacation from a cold climate.
• Derek Lam: Proportional couch.
• ATM: Yoga Trinity.
• Prabal Gurung: Unbuttoning then feminism for now.
• Diane Von Furstenberg: Ferngully for Marni.
• Victoria Beckham: Slouchy Christine & The Queens

Men

• AMI: My eighties guy.
• Balenciaga: If Bernie Sanders lifted in 1986.
• Issey Miyake: A new parachutes.
• Ann Demeulemeester: Dandy then, dandy now.
• Louis Vuitton: Supreme™ly Miami fuccboi.
• Dries Van Noten: 1960s via 2017 British fuccbois.
• Maison Margiela: 1960s via 2017 British fuccbois, 2 + Cinching
• Pigalle: The gentlest fuccboi.
• Hermés: Executive Fuccboi
• Junya Watanabe: The Art Fuccboi
• Dior Homme: Eighties punk Russian fuccboi.
• JW Anderson: Knitted knotty big little good naughty boys.
• Acne: The wooly boy.
• Études: Awash in the evaporating foam of commercialism.
• Lanvin: “Nothing to see here. Just a Russian man, trying to escape my office job in fashion.”
• Billy Reid: The cozy countryman.
• Thom Browne: How To Pile On A Suit While Avoiding Pilling
• Boss: “We’re TRYING here.”
• John Elliot: Basketball formalwear.
• Raf Simons: The other, more interesting half of that bad Calvin Klein collection.
• Orley: That Cool 70s Kid
• Fear Of God: “Yeeeeeeezus Christ: more of this shit?”

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