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Loglines For New York Spring 2018 Fashion Week

New York Fashion Week came and went and you may be wondering what happened. What did happen? Is anything happening?

Here are loglines to sum up the biggest shows. Enjoy!

• Coach: If Gucci did Keith Haring.
• Marc Jacobs: Mumu sixty Summer Winter disco Little Edie poofy poof.
• Juicy Couture: Two faced teen casual wear from the sixties for now.
• Reem Arca: Gold belted metallic florals for fortysomething recovering mothers.
• The Blonds: Biker people gone gay.
• Oscar De La Renta: Disco art class.
• Fenty X Puma by Rihanna: A neon orange hoodie from 1996 from a surf brand that came to life and got into fashion but married Guy Fieri.
• Eckhaus Latta: Everyone can be banal but pleasant.
• Rodarte: Fairies from the land of Baby’s Breath, captured and displayed in leathers and laces.
• Jeremy Scott: Deadliest catch.
• Kimora Lee Simmons: Casual red carpet wear for people who are not Hollywood.
• Marchesa: Baroque tulle pearl flowers ostrich feathers laid at Ophelia’s grave.
• The Row: “All her pants and dresses and coats rumpled at the floor, in excess, their lovely nature tones returning to the earth in the hopes of yielding fruit.”
• Michael Kors: The leaves of a tropical holiday cast glittery pastel shadows.
• The Elder Statesman: More basic knits and sweaters that probably cost more than your month’s rent.
• Oak: Vampires go to Vegas.
• Ralph Lauren: Feeling the weight of trends upon him, Ralph turns to cars. (NOTE: This collection is really fucking stupid.)
• Babyghost: “Just put some heart buttons on it and wear the blazer as a mini skirt.”
• Cynthia Rowley: Jean-Honoré Fragonard’s The Happy Accidents of the Swing but at Studio 54.
• Naeem Khan: Hood By Air pacifiers embellished for the ballroom.
• Alexander Wang: Very boring vomit left on the floor after New Year’s Eve, spelling “A.WANG” on the ground. (NOTE: This, too, is fucking stupid and Alexander Wang is beyond over.)
• Calvin Klein: Raf literally did the same thing but added in fringe.
Helmut Lang: Gauzy, strapped SFW bondage (By Air)
• Badgley Mischka: The sweet, innocent WASPy wife of a diplomat has a day off in the Bahamas.
• Karen Walker: Safari in silk.
• 3.1 Phillip Lim: Maybe that one Proenza Schouler collection but ruffled.
• Diane Von Furstenberg: Aaliyah, aged 45.
• Prabal Gurung: Tying up and twisting big colors – then sucking them into an armpit.
• Public School: The bodega people cometh.
• Victoria Beckham: Easy, breezy, beautiful, working girl.
• Christian Soriano: What happens after you huff the fumes of Viktor & Rolf and Thom Browne.
• Rag & Bone: Department store realness.
• Tom Ford: Yves Saint Laurent, when Hedi was still in charge.
Adam Selman: Through the denim floral wonderland.
Tory Burch: Palm Springs picnicking in old Céline.

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