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Loglines For Paris Spring 2017 Fashion Week

Phew: it’s over. Paris Fashion Week is over. We did it! Here, to sum it all up, are your Paris Spring 2017 Fashion Week loglines. See you next season!

• Issey Miyake: Zooming out on color blocked, triangular tessellations.
• Off-White: Sporty, shrugged and pasted, satiny school wear.
• Rick Owens: Knotted collars slouching closer and closer to the feet.
• Balmain: Over indulgent militaristic New Year’s Eve wear.
• Chloé: “We’ll be there…with bows on!” Sigourney Weaver in The Ice Storm says. She hangs up the phone with a roll of her eyes, lipping the edge of her whiskey glass. “We’ll be the best looking people there, too.”
• Courréges: Friday night at the space station.
• Dries Van Noten: Fever dreaming a Google Image™ search for “Van Gogh flowers” while sleeping on black sheets.
• Maison Margiela: A cute afternoon playing elaborate dress up as Ulala.
• YSL: Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really expensive Guess™.
• Loewe: Grecian samurai seventies.
• Comme des Garçons: A Room Of One’s Own (In Your Clothing)
• Fenty X Puma: A slip of Lourdes in pearlescent Versailles’ Japanese garden.
• Christian Dior: Crazy about t(R)ends (also the bees are dying). (NOTE: What was worse? This or YSL?)
• Acne: Paisley patchwork harem wear.
• Elie Saab: Stardust and American flag parodies.
• Mugler: Swooping through an alternate universe where disco happened in the eighties instead of seventies.
• Haider Ackermann: Murder at the hands of a Chartreuse™ cocktail.
• Vivienne Westwood: Messy baby plays dress up with scarves in a barn.
• Balenciaga: These boots were made for London Fog™ Members Only™ neon couches.
• Celine: The body, flounced.
• Valentino: Sweethearts over Paris, flapping away to Neverland.
• Givenchy: Geode Georgia Keefe, gone goth.
• John Galliano: The fabulous killers in You’re Next.
• Giambattista Valli: Baby got tiers.
• Stella McCartney: Drawn and cinched office blankets.
• Hermés: Executive stewardess.
• Alexander McQueen: Punk at the ren faire.
• Chanel: Circuited street Tweet tweed.
• A.P.C.: Pocket forward same-old-same.
• Kenzo: “Glamo—but like actually glamorous camouflage because Paris Fashion Week so it’s different, you know?”
• Louis Vuitton: Sheer triangulation.
• Miu Miu: Sweet swimmerly but done in a basic, non-Thom Forde, way.
• Sandro: Paris, Southern California.

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