“Luxury Loungers” Are Just Adult High Chairs

I saw a sign by a highway. “LUXURY LOUNGERS NOW AVAILABLE AT CINEMARK,” it said. There was a group of people laughing and looking at each other. They were seated in enveloping leather chairs. They looked like big fucking babies.

It’s because of those “luxury loungers.” It’s the seats. What are these these strange places to rest? An explanation from the company.

ALL NEW Luxury Loungers feature:
• Electric-powered reclining seats with extendable footrests
• Cup holders for your favorite drink
• Oversize, plush comfortable seating
• Guarantee your comfort with all-reserved seating!

Electric-powerd, “your favorite drink,” oversized, “guarantee your comfort.” You are a giant child, it sounds like. You need your hinee wiped. You will be burped and coddled and tended to. You are a big fucking baby.

Maybe they look different in action? Let’s look.

No, it’s what I think: they are adult high chairs, they are ways to swaddle a fully grown adult outside of a womb, via publicly accessible leather seats that feel like dry, sticky insides revealed. Like being inside of your mother again but in a movie theatre with many others, a Matrix scene without the twist of being conned into a constant content. A Wall-E person brought to life is what it is.

These American made luxury loungers are elegant, distinctive, and comfortable. The ergonomic support and wide seat pans of these 4 loungers make them the perfect luxury chair in any room. With the added feature of a motorized reclining mechanism, unlimited comfort is available to everyone.

That’s what the designer (“designer”) of these chair says.

For babies. Baby adults. Or perhaps the very old? Perhaps these are transitional. Perhaps these are to teach us a lesson in activity. Perhaps these, too, are cursed. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Spoon feed you a movie, pipet you a drink. Adult babies doing adult baby things.

Wah wah wah.

Photo via.

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