Magazine Article: 25 Things

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be successful (neé, famous) enough that people would interview me for magazines on the most mundane subjects, in the most mundane ways. For the series Magazine Article, I take a “classic” magazine interview format but insert myself into it. Why? Because why the fuck not.

This week we tackle Us Weekly‘s very ridiculous 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me.

Kyle Raymond Fitzpatrick shared 25 things you might not know about him exclusively with Us Weekly. You can catch the 31-year-old writer person thing working on stories for various outlets while pursuing an MFA in Writing at Otis College Of Art & Design.

1. In the seventh grade, I won my church’s religion bee. They gave me a rosary and giant stuffed bear.

2. Before leaving town, I always clean my apartment. I hate returning to a dirty home.

3. My favorite song is “Drone Bomb Me” by Anohni. Really uplifting, I know.

4. My favorite place in the world is Paris followed closely by Palm Springs, followed by a three way tie between LA, ATL, and DC.

5. I am very sensitive to caffeine. Sometimes a sip of black tea on an empty stomach sends me into a panic attack.

6. I was a rower in college. I quit to pursue theatre (and because a coach called me a gay slur).

7. My not-so-secret celebrity crush is Anderson Cooper.

8. I’d like to be a fashion designer but I don’t have the patience to learn how to sew.

9. If there are more than two guns, a car chase, foreign conflict, and/or war, I will turn off the movie.

10. My favorite album is We Are Monster by Isoée, closely followed by Julianna Barwick’s Will.

11. The most annoying thing is hearing someone chew on their silverware. It’s more annoying than chewing sounds.

12. In high school, a girl told me there was a rumor going around that I had a big penis. I don’t know how that happened.

13. My favorite painter is Ellsworth Kelly but my favorite artist is Dan Flavin.

14. Yes, I am scared of spiders. No, I’m not trying to work on this.

15. I lived in Seoul, South Korea for two years.

16. I have three pairs of earbuds for my phone, each of which have tape on them to denote a problem I no longer remember.

17. I think space travel is a really dumb idea.

18. If you wanted to watch Drop Dead Gorgeous, I would probably sit down and watch it with you.

19. I hate crowds and lines. This is why I hate concerts and Disneyland.

20. I would be happy if I woke up and were Hanya Yanagihara.

21. I do not care for cats.

22. I’m very good at balancing things on my head.

23. I’ve never flown first class. I’ve not even flown business. I have sat in an emergency exit seat a few times and it always stresses me out.

24. I’m a morning person. I blame my dogs.

25. Once Peaches Geldof told me she liked my shirt.

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