Paris Lees is a London based transgender writer. She’s a funny lady who has gained quite a following for her funny and honest life sketches of being trans and living in the same world as any other twentysomething. So what is it like doing something like dating on Tinder? She tried it out. It sounds a lot scarier than it actually is.
Lees made a profile to find a man after recently ending a relationship and she turned to the app to see what would happen. Surprising enough, most people handled things quite nicely: there were some who were shocked, some who politely declined, and some who were perfectly fine with her being her. It was a shock to hear as you expect from the headline that it’s going to end in online bullying. Is this just that British men are less transphobic and less machismo than asshole Americans? Perhaps.
One big takeaway from this, regardless of one’s nationality, is this section on discriminating based on how you want to have sex:
Some trans people argue that it’s wrong to completely rule out dating us and, while it’s fine to have a “type,” I get where they’re coming from. In my view, though, there’s a huge difference between denying someone a job versus not desiring someone sexually. Sexual attraction may be the one area that it’s OK to “discriminate” in—after all, it’s up to you who you want to fuck—but you don’t need to be a dick about your preference. Or, you know, limit yourself
Absolutely. It’s very interesting to think about and, honestly, something I’ve never considered. Could I date a transwoman? Thinking about it by Lees’ logic and parameters, I think absolutely could. If it was the right woman, I would be able to.
Like Rhys Ernst and his work on gay and trans men on Grindr, Paris’ exploration of Tinder as a transwoman is definitely illuminating. We can certainly learn something from this, that’s for sure.