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Meet The Real Life Possessed Fucking Demon Annabelle Doll

You know that movie Annabelle? It wasn’t very good. I was so excited about it and it was a slow, stupid waste of Alfre Woodard’s time. I was so angry! Horror movies about dolls are my favorite subgenre which should remind you all that, yes, I am a gay man. Thus, when it was shit? I was intensely disappointed.

(Especially considering the delicious, intelligent setup of the film: that the happenings took place in the 1960s amidst cult hysteria, that your kids could be stolen to join the ranks of devil worshippers. That fear is so real and still an American nightmare. The tension is so delicious at the start of the film, tiptoeing into some special and fucked up horror creations. Does it maintain that? No. Literally once the family moves out of the house in the first thirty minutes, the entire energy of the movie goes with them. It deflates and collapses onto itself like a bounce house at the end of a toddler’s birthday party.)

But The Conjuring? That was my shit. It was easily the best horror film of this decade since absolutely nothing great has come out in recent years. (Ugh.) The best part about the movie is that it’s all based on true stories and, yes, that means the shitty Annabelle film was based on something real. Thanks to the wonderful and very real occultist Ed and Lorraine Warren, we have a deep well of fucked up true haunting stories, their life and work serving as the basis for both of these films.

Annabelle—the doll—is undoubtedly their most popular figure. She’s quite memorable (She’s a Raggedy Anne toy.) and the most deadly (She’s killed at least one person and injured a few.). But what is she really like? Thanks to Connecticut’s own WTNH news team, they inexplicably decided to do an unprompted feature on the doll. They visited The Warrens Occult Museum and the resulting segment is deliciously faux-spooky yet very fucked up and all presented to you with a crushing amount of stupid small town charm.

So, if you ever doubted the existence of not-human shitty demon people, let Annabelle be your proof. The news story chronicles the history of both the doll and the injuries she caused. You also get a peek into the Occult Museum, which I guarantee you I will one day visit. Watch the video below—and I challenge you to doubt her power. Don’t fuck with her, boys.

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