Honestly, this week has been a lot.
Between all the governmental nonsense of stripping away protections of transgender students to doubling down on private prisons, we need a bit of a release. Why not take that release to the best, silliest place possible, the place where we can bring down or raise up men? The penis.
This is penis news. PENIS NEWS!!
Penis-Covered Ancient Roman Home Discovered in Israel
For lovers of penis, here’s something to bend your ear to: a 1900 year old house was discovered with remarkable “amulets” of penises. While this might seem sexy or a welcoming of penile pleasure, these amulets actually served a different purpose: they were placed to help “prevent misfortune.”
Here’s How Much Your Penis Can Shrink After Prostate Surgery
Apparently when you have prostate surgery your junk is likely to shrink. How? Your penis gets smaller, reducing in length by three quarters of an inch. A silver lining though: this is mostly a problem right after surgery but, after a few months into years, that little tadger stretches back to normal.
I Tore My Penis During Sex—Here’s What It Was Like
These roundups always include some sort of frightening, unsavory story about someone’s penis “breaking.” But what does that actually feel like? Not that bad, funny enough. The experience looks and sounds more painful than it is, from the “audible crack” to the part becoming engorged with blood. The biggest takeaway from this is not to have reverse cowgirl sex. That’s a surefire way to mishandle the member.
Man With A Bionic Penis Reveals He Has To Endure A TWO WEEK Erection To Test If It Works
Bionic penis stories always fascinate me and this one is particularly wild: a man born without a penis recently had one constructed using extra skin. However, in order to ensure that it works properly, he will have to maintain an erection for two weeks. Quite a whirlwind, from no penis to a throbbing piece of meat: sheesh. Good luck, new dick’d friend!
Man With A £70k Bionic Penis Set To Become A PORN STAR
Onward to some other bionic penis news, the man who lost his penis in a childhood accident and finally had sex is moving on to semener pastures: he’s being propositioned to star in a porn. Adult film production company BangBros (Yes, “BangBros.”) are so intrigued with the story that they’re hoping to feature the bionic penis in action. I would by lying if I weren’t intrigued to see how it works.
ResERECTION: The Penis Implant
Want to know who does all these surgeries for so-called bionic penises? Doctors like the guy above, Dr. Paul Perito. It’s a fascinating watch, not only informative about how penises work but also what “penile prosthesis” are.
This New Sex Toy Is Like a Fitbit For Your Penis
Ever wanted to know how many calories you burned during sex? Or how many times you thrusted? There’s an app for that…and a cock ring! Lovely is a new offering for men that is a robotic (“robotic”) cock ring that monitors your sexual activity, recording the data to an app that essentially lets you know how you did when you were doing it. This would make for a great gift! Or something!
Builder Accidentally Fires Nail Gun Into His Own Penis
This one sounds bad but isn’t that bad: a construction worker misfired his nail gun and sent a nail darting into his dick—sort of. The nail went into his pubis/very start of his shaft and apparently he was “unfazed” by the accident. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds, no, but the photos are mildly uncomfortable. Still: don’t misfire a nail gun by your dick, people.
Town Gets A ‘Pounding’ From Penis-Shaped Storm
Yes, a dick shaped storm “pounded” an Australia town. It’s raining men! Or semen! Or seamen! Take your pick from the prick!