Here we are, on the day before the day-before-weekend day, looking for that cock content. Well, I got your back: this is penis news. PENIS NEWS!!

Man Asks To Show Murder Jury His PENIS As Evidence His Lover Died Accidentally Choking During Oral Sex
Here’s the Florida entry of this post: a man accused of killing his girlfriend in their bedroom wants to show his penis as evidence that she actually choked to death on his fat cock. As his attorney says, it is a “rare murder case.”

Black Man Will Have Transplanted White Penis Tattooed To Match
This seems like a Clickhole article but it isn’t: a man of color lost his penis in a circumcision gone wrong and needed a donor, got a white penis, and is getting the member medically tattooed to match. Equality win?!?

Creature’s Weaponised PENIS Has Sparked A ‘Sexual Arms Race’ Spanning The Globe
In somewhat awful news, some beetles have evolved to have spiky penises that poor female beetles have had to evolve to the point that their vaginas have “rapidly healing tissue” to fix their torn privates. Ouch. Is there a more apt metaphor for male aggression? I hate this.

C-3PO Is Hung
This is old news but see above.

Me And My Penis: 100 Men Reveal All
This story has been going viral for a few weeks because The Guardian previewed a book where a hundred men of all sorts show off their dicks and talk about them. The results are fascinating. This is certainly the type of content we have all been looking for.

Teenage Rugby Player Cut Off Penis While High On Skunk
Pinch yourself because you are going to laugh and squirm and cry: a young man got so high on “skunk” weed (??) that he cut his pee pee off. His father was seemingly there and is sharing the details now. For better or worse, the son doesn’t remember the incident.

Demand For Elephant Skin, Trunk And Penis Drives Rapid Rise In Poaching In Myanmar
Hunting is bad and, sometimes, our hunger for dicks is bad too. This is an example: to help with “traditional” medicine production, Myanmar is seeing a growing demand for animal parts like elephant penis. This poaching issue is becoming a huge problem and is why we’re seeing pangolins dying too.

Vladimir Putin Says Life Is Easy Because He Has A Penis
“I am not a woman, so I don’t have bad days,” the dictator said. Fuck off.

Dentist Helps Remove Man’s Penis From Wrench After All Other Efforts Failed
A man in China stuck his penis into the empty hole at the end of a wrench, got his dick stuck for nearly a day, only for a dentist to be the one to save him from because they didn’t have the proper consent form from doctors. This is a very uncomfortable matter and is a reminder to never put your penis into small metal circles.

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