In these troubling, hairy times when men are being revealed as ruled by their penises and subsequently harassing others with them, we need something more than ever: penis news. Why? Because penises need to be stripped of there power. Thus, here’s your penis news. PENIS NEWS!!

Why South Africa Leads The World In Penis Transplants
Penis transplants are uncharted territory and represent a big future in medicine. Interestingly, they’re most being done in South Africa for myriad reasons, mostly as a result of botched circumcisions of men that apparently lead to “the world’s highest rate of penis amputations.” Hopefully this medical technology can help these people in need!

This ‘Smart’ Condom Rates Your Bedroom Skills, Penis Size And Even Checks For STIs
It was only a matter of time before tech would disrupt fucking via rubbers. The “i-Con Smart Condom” – which sounds like a scam – aims to diagnose your dick by rating how you perform via reporting things like calories burned and skin temperature. Cool?

Australian City Fights To Save ‘Big Penis’ Tower
A local architectural attraction in Australia is facing demolition as a result of being too much to maintain, particularly as a result of its not being fit for disability access. Locals aren’t too happy with this for one reason: they like that it looks like a penis and are hoping to “save the schlong.”

Michigan Candidate Has An Idea How To End Harassment: Vote For Someone Without A Penis
In these wild times, you know what we need? Politicians and leaders who aren’t men, people who do not have penises. One Michigan politician is capitalizing on this and is literally campaigning on the fact that she doesn’t have a penis. What a time we live in.

What Are Those Small, Pearly Bumps On Your Penis?
Here’s something interesting: apparently some men have little pearl-like bumps between their dick head and shaft. Are they a problem? Nope. Turns out, they’re totally normal.

Keep Nice And Cosy By Covering Your Neck In A Snazzy Penis Scarf
Looking for a unique phallic Winter gift to give? Well, “HappyUnderwearGifts” has created a penis scarf that is basically two big dongs with balls attached by a woolen runway.

How Getting Your Penis Pierced Changes Your Sex Life For Good
Getting your dick pierced has an effect on sexual stimulation. How? It can change the temperature “down there” in addition to general surface feeling. I once dated a guy with a dick piercing and, while aesthetically nice, it was too weird. I asked him to take it out.

Cheeky Christmas Lights Display Looks Like A Giant Penis
We all need a little Christmas and, beyond regular “Santa” stuff, we need a bit of holiday dick which is what one town in Somerset accidentally did with a Christmas light display. Well done, “cheeky Christmas lights.”

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