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Please Don’t Get A Dog, Donald Trump

Dogs are special creatures.

They see the best and worst in us and are generally animals who aim to be happiness bundled onto four legs. Yes, some dogs have behavior issues and hurt people but these domesticated animals are truly reflections of us. Our dogs are ourselves. That’s why we love them so much.

Dogs as illustration of humanity is funny considering that Donald Trump will be the first president in 130 years to not have a dog. This is good news too: he probably shouldn’t have a dog.

First, some context into his dog dramas. Trump was supposedly going to adopt a goldendoodle (Goldie is the new Blondi!!) but plans fell through after the friend he was to adopt the dog from fell in love with the pet. This is probably for the best.

As the Independent reported, Trump’s relationship with dogs is nebulous at best. Regardless of if he is a dog hater, his use of the word is not too positive.

It is not known whether or not Mr Trump cares for dogs. Although he is known as a prolific tweeter, the only dog-related tweets his feed reveals are a series of references to people he has clashed with being “fired like a dog”, “begging like a dog” or “choking like a dog”.

Moreover, his being a not-dog-owning president might bode well for his haters.

The last President not to have a dog was William McKinley, who died of gangrene a year into his second term after a failed assassination attempt.

According to the Presidential Pet Museum, the dog-less President McKinley kept several kittens, roosters and a parrot.

Well, damn. This might be a sign of greater things. We should chip in and send him a parrot!

This petty view aside, he really shouldn’t get a dog. A few reasons why this non-dog lover should just stay the fuck away.

• A dog’s personality is a lot like ours. While Trump will likely do what he does best and outsource his work to someone else, if he truly were to raise a dog the beast would indeed be a beast because dogs very clearly mirror us. According to a recent study shared by the BBC via Science Of Us, anxious dog owners have anxiousness reflected in their pets. Dogs form social dyads with owners meaning they are a group of two—and they are not antithetical: they are two of a kind. Who would want the dog equivalent of Donald Trump? That literally is the most disgusting, heartbreaking thing I have ever considered. This brings me too…
• White dogs are real. Have you seen Samuel Fuller’s classic film White Dog? The movie is a 1982 exploration of race via intense metaphor: a white dog. The dog is adopted by a woman and she quickly realizes that the dog is a monster trained to attack black people. While she tries to reform the dog, the creature has racism embedded in its system. The film is hyperbole, yes, but it’s also factually possible. Dogs have photographic memories and play out a lack or experience or bad experiences over and over and over again. While this might not be “racism,” it is learned bad behavior. Imagine all the learned bad behaviors supposed Goldie would learn from Donald? Please, no. I have enough trouble not hating Baron Trump. I don’t want to have to not hate a Goldie Trump too.
• Human behavior predicts dog aggression. Trump is a fucking aggressive ass, angry, large dude who is surrounded by many, many, many similar ugly people. Add a dog to this mix and what do you get? An aggressive dog. Again, I don’t want to have to hate a dog but no dog should be forced to be aggressive because that’s how they are treated.
• The dog will probably die. Let’s just come out and say it: he barely cares for our soldiers, he isn’t going to care for his dog. Unless this dog can shake their tail and get people into a hotel, he won’t give a fucking shit about this animal.

So. Donald Trump. Do us all dog lovers a favor: don’t get a fucking dog. It’s bad for you and it’s bad for the dog. Just let that sleeping pet ownership idea lie.

Photo via.

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