CNN is something that plays in the background as I work, an animated Twitter feed that breaks news in a very adult, typically bipartisan manner.
While their reportage isn’t usually remarkable—and is strikingly airport terminal—the channel does a great job of catching my eye in an unexpected way: by occasionally popping adorable male reporters and correspondents onto the screen.
These are guys who do not “have a show” but are wrangled in regularly to comment on situations in front of a “serious” background that offers place and context. You know them, you’ve seen them, but you don’t really have any point of view on them because their points of view are so few and far between. You probably don’t even know their name. Curious to find out more about them, I happened upon CNN’s public roster of talent and found their correspondents and reporters section. Surprisingly, there are a lot of dudes—and some are cuter than others too.
To understand how cute they are—and to flag a few pretty boys to keep a lookout for—I went through all forty correspondents and ranked them by how attractive they are. No, this doesn’t include people like Anderson Cooper or Don Lemon (because they are obviously gorgeous) but is instead a strict survey of men who fit into CNN’s “correspondents and reporters” box. Some have bigger names than others, sure, and one isn’t on the page yet but, hey, here we are: enjoy the newsy eye candy.
41. Tom Foreman
Foreman is one of a handful of correspondents starting this list who unfortunately look like a grandmothers. It’s the combination of bigger-than-necessary hair styles accompanied with late sixties soft white skin akin to old nanas. Sorry, Foreman. That glasses probably don’t help either.
— CNN Indonesia Daily (@CNNIDdaily) February 2, 2017
40. Ben Wedeman
You don’t even need FaceApp™ to see the grandma in these guys.
Here’s me on Jon Stewart show in the “Cave Simulator” Love it! I can hang with Fred and Barney in Bedrock. pic.twitter.com/Es1gnJNCRS
— Martin Savidge (@MartinSavidge) May 15, 2014
39. Martin Savidge
This grandma has a sense of humor though.
38. Stephen Collinson
I’m unfamiliar with Collinson’s work but he’s a transition face that takes us through “grandmas” and into the “they look mad or evil or like a professor” set of men.
— chad myers (@chadmyerscnn) July 27, 2016
37. Chad Myers
When you take the anger and add in the weather, you get Myers’ meteorology meemaw.
— Richard Roth (@RichardRothCNN) August 26, 2016
36. Richard Roth
As if this photo isn’t proof enough, Roth is the quirky college professor who looks like a doof but would be fun to hang out with after class. He’s not a professor you’d want to kiss, though.
35. Nic Robertson
Zooming in further onto the idea of funny professor from Roth is Robertson. This guy turns that notion more directly to your senses: he’s like a dad with a sense of humor.
— Frederik Pleitgen (@fpleitgenCNN) March 11, 2017
34. Frederik Pleitgen
Adding intrigue to the new dad trop is Pleitgen who serves “Evil Looking 1990s Liberal Father” realness.
— Matthew Chance (@mchancecnn) March 3, 2017
32. Matthew Chance
Chance kind of looks like a queasy uncle which is ameliorated by his accent. Perhaps consider him an aged, waterlogged Hugh Grant?
My same beautiful little girl-
Her same nutritionally irresponsible dad. pic.twitter.com/Smw1EehJca
— Gary Tuchman (@GaryTuchmanCNN) January 28, 2017
31. Gary Tuchman
This is the type of professor you’d flirt with! He’s not perfect but is cute and funny enough that you’d consider skipping hanging out with friends to blow him.
Back in O-H-I-O (again) Cincy, waiting for HRC. pic.twitter.com/JhKOftRH4k
— joe johns (@joejohnscnn) October 31, 2016
30. Joe Johns
Everyone knew a guy like Johns: he was your one friend’s cool dad who you wanted to hang out with more than the friend. This is all to say: he’s a complex evolution from the “hot professor” trope.
This shot of CNN’s Drew Griffin gave me a lil pause after reading a bunch of tweets about the danger of using cells. pic.twitter.com/hTFWxy9yvN
— Melissa Grego (@melissagrego) April 19, 2013
29. Drew Griffin
He is a Designer Imposter™ version of Jason Bateman.
— Phil Black (@PhilBlackCNN) February 18, 2013
28. Phil Black
Black is the first genuinely “cute” correspondent but he loses a lot of points for how constantly skeptical and shifty he appears to be. It’s all about that strange squint, I suppose.
27. Patrick Oppmann
Would you look at this guy? Cute as a button. And I mean this literally because he has a perfectly round face like a button.
26. Oren Liebermann
Liebermann looks like he could be evil but he’s the nice kind of evil, the type of bad guy who could sway you to join his dark forces. Maybe it’s the brow/G.I. Joe hair combination?
— Coy Wire (@CoyWire) April 6, 2017
25. Coy Wire
Wire looks similarly evil but is a tad bit cuter with such a great name. He occasionally looks like he has no eyebrows too.
— Evan Pérez (@evanperez) December 16, 2016
— Nick Valencia (@CNNValencia) April 15, 2017
22. Nick Valencia
Look at this cute lil news bb! Valencia probably isn’t tall enough to ride rides with you on your date to Six Flags but that won’t stop you from loving him.
21. Jeff Zeleny
Anderson Cooper’s not-as-hot little brother who is constantly told that he isn’t as hot as his older brother. What a life.
20. Ed Lavandera
This guy is an adorable bundle of fun! Look at him hanging out with a boulder! Who could hate this newsy face?!
— Rafael Romo (@RafaelRomoCNN) April 29, 2017
19. Rafael Romo
He’s the Pokémon evolution of Nick Valencia. He’s adorable and he’s tall enough to ride the rides.
— Jim Bittermann (@BittermannCNN) November 8, 2016
18. Jim Bittermann
He is not hot. But something about Bittermann seems like so much fun! He wouldn’t be that much on the eyes but he would probably give you one hell of a good time in bed and then read to you while making you soft poached eggs in a robe. I can feel it. Maybe it’s the hands on the thighs? I don’t know, man, I don’t know.
17. Jim Sciutto
This guy I also confuse for David Gregory—but he does a better job of being an interesting face beyond the confused intrigue.
— Miguel Marquez (@miguelmarquez) February 9, 2017
16. Miguel Marquez
Now we enter the actually attractive men and Marquez represents the fraction of hosts that you might pass by at a gay bar, think they were cute, but ultimately walk away from because there are twenty other white guys who look exactly the same as him. This isn’t a bad thing: its just a common face.
15. Nick Paton Walsh
Sensitive. Pensive. Smart. Maybe plays in a band that he’s proud of but you’d never tell anyone else about it because it’s slightly embarrassing when you think about it too hard.
14. Samuel Burke
I do not know anything about Burke’s sexuality but he has what I like to call “acute gay face.” What is that? A cute gay face, a face that is a little gay. If you are gay, you know what I’m talking about since gay face is a real thing. Burke has that and it’s always cute. Don’t know if he is indeed the gay attached to the face but that’s reason enough to land him in the teens.
13. Ryan Young
I love Young because he seems like the type of guy you meet at a part next to the drinks, chat with, realize you have a lot in common, and talk closer and closer until you hit a corner and then your lips touch and you leave together, laughing into the night.
12. Dan Merica
Other than his name being “Merica,” I love this guy because he looks like a big tall goofball. He isn’t traditionally hot, no, but he is very much that really, really, really good boyfriend type who everyone is jealous of.
11. David McKenzie
Just look at those eyes. He also gives me some Morrissey vibes too. Perhaps it’s that vacant melancholia that lingers in his stare? I want to be sad with David McKenzie.
10. John King
It was very difficult for me to not put King higher. I’ve always found him oddly attractive—now and then—and he has thusly earned the entry point to the top ten. Yes, he’s borderline not a correspondent but that is what he is still listed as. Accordingly, we will adore him here.
— The Lead CNN (@TheLeadCNN) May 2, 2017
9. Jason Carroll
Carroll—like Burke—also has acute gay face. Carroll’s is slightly better and has an international mystique to him, as if you crossed a young George Takei with Lester Holt. That is a wonderful combination.
8. Boris Sanchez
OK: now we’ve entered straight up fucking babe town. Sanchez has these commanding eyes that are tucked under eyebrows like biceps. I want to rip his suit off and lick a lot of his parts for the sake of news coverage.
7. Will Ripley
I don’t necessarily want to rip Ripley’s clothes off but I would love to go on repeated dates. Like Merica, he looks like all American quality boyfriend material. He probably comes from rich New Englanders too which is an added bonus when you’re trying to upgrade your life via your boyfriend.
6. Paul LaMonica
LaMonica has a sweet nerd couture vibe going, whose appeal lies in between his glasses and his beard. He appears to be a total dork too which is something none of the other men on this list qualify as (and is unsurprising given he’s a CNN Money digital correspondent). That makes him unrivaled eye candy in this universe of politicos.
Greetings from Everett, Washington. Spoke to Boeing workers about Trump’s Air Force One tweet/comments. pic.twitter.com/kDq10qUJSi
— Dan Simon (@dansimoncnn) December 8, 2016
5. Dan Simon
This guy. He looks like such an asshole but the type of guy you want to punch (or be punched by) while you’re making out. I get a softer version of Alexander Skarsgard in Big Little Lies from him. Subtract the violence and you’ve got one hell of a lover. Look at the way he squints! It crushes me between the legs.
4. Jim Acosta
Ahh, yes: Acosta. One of the more senior correspondents, he is a salt-and-pepper delight. He seems cool and funny and smart and has something that most of these other high rankers don’t have: an approachability. I don’t think many would call Acosta traditionally “hot” but he has a strange confidence that attracts you. Then again, anyone who has to face Sean Spicer and get noticed is inherently somewhat sexy.
— Jeremy Diamond (@JDiamond1) March 17, 2017
3. Jeremy Diamond
Diamond is actually the reporter who inspired this list. He has a very telegenic face and appears to be Jason Mamoa after a bath. Full disclosure: I think Mamoa is disgusting which is why my attraction to Diamond is strange. It must be the suit and the slicked hair and trimmed beard and that generally soft evilness to him that defies his being a woke news guy. More of Diamond, please.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 29, 2017
2. Phil Mattingly
The other man who inspired this list! Every time I’m working and Mattingly pops up on my television, I have to look up and stare. He is so classically beautiful and has this delicious smirk that makes you both so angry and so happy. I love him. Yes, he might kill you American Psycho style but he will look good doing it. (And, no, I do not think he looks like Rick Astley but this was the best social media photo of him I could find.)
1. Polo Sandoval
At last. The best. The face. The beauty. CNN’s Next Top Model: Polo Sandoval. For me, it all starts with that name—Polo—that rolls off the tongue across his open plain of a forehead and down his chiseled nose, lush lips, and sculpted chin. He is classically beautiful too but with a tan intrigue. He’s the boy from Texas who made it big. He’s the president of a college Latinx politics club. He’s that friend who brings his girlfriend roses before taking her on a surprise getaway to Falling Water. He calls his mother every week. He has no bills. He wears old J.Crew and makes the brand seem relevant. He rides a bike. He says words like “academia” slightly wrong and pretentiously but it works for him. He wears briefs but doesn’t look like a dad. I don’t know if any of these thoughts on Sandoval are true but I want them to be. He is such a dreamboat. He is the most beautiful CNN correspondent and, while I don’t know if I want a show from him, I certainly want to stare (and maybe see what he has going on under them there clothings).