Recommendation: Get High & Clean Your Apartment

For those of us without a cleaning person or parent picking up after, keeping a clean house can be a third job to follow your real job, to follow your myriad side-hustles. It’s an entire universe of a “to-do” to add to your “to-dos.”

It doesn’t have to be this way though for I have a solution that is much more fun and much more financially feasible than getting a person to clean for you: get high and clean.

I stumbled into this solution one weekend where Bobby was out of town, with me in a messy home with nothing else to do but think about how I wished my mess was so blessed that it did’t exist. So, I did something about it – but I didn’t want to do it whilst sober because, well, hashtag Sunday Funday. I didn’t want to drink because I’d only want to laze so, instead, I grabbed a little weed pen, took a few puffs, and got to work.

The results were magnificent. I went into hyper clean mode, going into both a deeper and more nuanced clean because my high typically takes me into a focus that usually enables deep viewings of shows like Rick & Morty or movies like Critters: there was a similar drive to see beyond what I was seeing, to do more than I was doing. So. I vacuumed, I dusted, I sprayed. I got on my knees and I scrubbed. I climbed a foot ladder and cleared cobwebs. I threw away things that had been demanding disposal for years. I was able to become a cleaning machine, thanks to weed.

The most significant aspect of this high cleaning was that it enabled an unbiased ingenuity and attention to detail that I otherwise get too lazy to indulge: I needed to clean my windows, had no window cleaner, and instead remedied the situation by fashioning cleaner out of lemon juice, rubbing alcohol, and distilled water placed in an old hair spray bottle. The results worked quite well as I went from window to window to window, cleaning the inside and outside of the glass. It was a next level clean, something I had not done since moving into the apartment. It wasn’t my desire to do this either but instead the call of the wild (weed).

I know that certain weeds and certain weed mediums work better with people but this really, really worked for me. Specifically, vaping some weed via an oil extract was perfect and – specifically, specifically – a sativa dominant strain a la Pineapple Express was particularly effective in enabling my high cleaning. It allowed for a physical productivity and mental singularity that one needs in cleaning independent of your mind racing around all the other shit you want or need to do. Getting high and cleaning makes everything easier. Just puff, puff, purify your place.

But, alas, this might not be for everyone. I know people who totally veg out when smoking or simply don’t smoke at all. I get that. This worked for me as it is a “physical” activity that doesn’t really have any consequence, that can be done ay home, and that – if stopped halfway – won’t really affect that much. Maybe don’t over bake yourself so that you take a nap after putting floor cleaner on the ground but don’t go so light on the weed that your buzz is being annoyed by your cleaning equipment. Don’t do this for more than two hours either as, per my experiences, after two hours of baking and cleaning you typically end up eating a snack and watching a dumb TV show. There are limits and, of course, the high wears away with your being more physicsl.

But, outside of said limits, high cleaning really does work. It’s a mixture of productivity and fun that really is another practical application of marijuana. Why not get high while cleaning? You don’t have anything else to do on a Saturday afternoon at home.

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