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Seven Things That Are On Sale Right Now That I Would Love To Buy But Are Probably More Than I Should Spend So I’m Not Going To Buy Them But — Instead — Am Going To Write About Them So I Won’t Want Them Anymore

It’s sale season and I am suffering through it.

Les soldes” — the traditionally twice a year time for cheap things, as the French say — can be painful for those like me who are constantly chained to a budget and beating themselves up whenever a dollar sign enters the picture. We live in a capitalist society — and I am becoming increasingly, increasingly wary of letting my money do anything else but sit. Still: I shop therefore I am…and I have not shopped in a very long time and, sadly, that time is not today.

So, hey, I’m going to window shop and lust and love and give myself permission to desire. In doing so, I found seven things that are on sale right now that I would love to buy but are probably more than I should spend on something frivolous right now so I’m not going to buy them but, instead, am going to write about them so that I won’t want them anymore. Thank you for participating in my non-retail therapy.

Common Projects’ Red Achilles Low Gloss Sneakers
Price: $129 (Originally $430)
These sneaks are like if Ronald McDonald got into bondage or the clown from IT had sex with Christian Louboutin: they are strangely familiar and beautiful, clowny and cool. They are the sort of bright pop of life that we all need in our closets and, while potentially squeaky, they appear to be memorable footwear at its best. They’re also so on the border of cheap and not, an easy gateway to a pair of Common Projects which I’ve been so wanting for years.

Editions M.R. Chemise Tahiti á Motifs
Price: 88€ (Originally 146€)
I love Editions M.R. and they are having a fabulous sale. I also love camp collar shirts and this graphic take on floral design is just so precious, a pastel Hawaiian dream taken to Paris and back. I think I would be very adorable in this although, ugh, I already have literally five camp collar shirts and there is no reason why I would need another.

Editions M.R. Chemise Tahiti Rose
Price: 88€ (Originally 146€)
Ditto with this one. But it’s pink. And lightweight. I’m gay. I need this. Please? I’ll wear it again and again, I promise.

Levi’s Blue Denim 501 CT Shorts
Price: $42 (Originally $70)
I’ve been looking for a replacement pair of Levi’s cut-offs and have been struggling to find a decent pair. These could be a fitting replacement considering I almost bought them at full price and their being half-off is even more appealing. The only catch: I’m super weird about my denim. I hate that fake denim shit and want something quality and rigid but soft and semi-worn. Paired with the bleaching, this could be risky. (Also, thankfully, it’s sold out already.)

Acne Studio Niagra Print Shirt
Price: $76 (Originally $190)
This shirt — and matching shorts — are delightful gasoline slicks by way of Easter Sunday pleasantries. I love them. They’re the rare clothing items that cannot be imitated unlike Acne’s newer stuff which could be recreated with a little screen printing ingenuity. Regardless, this shirt is great and I wish to own this casual shorts suit.

Sandro Floral Printed Shirt
Price: $97.50 (Originally $195)
I literally own this shirt in the pink version. I want it in the navy version too. It might not be possible to own enough camp collar shirts. The devil’s advocate to this though? Camp collars are trending now and may have a fast approaching half-life. Conversely: nothing truly goes out of style when you, yourself, have a personal style or point of view. Thus, more camp collars for me (if I had the money).

Tony Morgan’s Coco-S Cat Eye Frame
Price: $69 (Originally $199)
I cannot tell if these glasses are shittily made or not but, regardless, I love how interesting the frames are and how they interpret the “cat eye” to be something that would belong on the face of a creature on Steven Universe. They’re cute! And cheap enough. I literally own twenty-ish sunglasses but, as they say, you can never get enough. I’m American. I’m a glutton for needless spending and waste. Thus, I’m writing out my desires instead of spending my desires, feeding a monster based on siphoning myriad resources into the trash. May the lord of spending save us all from ourselves.

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