Six Thoughts About RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season Ten, Episode Nine

This episode was quite the rude awakening, that such greatness (Last week!) could be dashed in literal seconds.

What a bummer! And not a rounder bummer. Because last week, truly, was the highest of highs for the show. Even in a season that has been hot and cold, last week was perfection. Then we had this. What happened? Let’s explore.

Spoilers, obviously. Proceed with caution.

6. Rounderbum Sucks.
I did enjoy this challenge, yes, because memory games are fun and asses and ass eating jokes will never not be extremely my jam. What I did not like? The focus on Rounderbum instead of the queens. I’m fine with sponcon but I am not fine with the fact that all the shots of the classic “rounded” underwear, where a seam is placed on either side of the ass to “lift” one’s rear, made all these men look like they shit their pants. That wasn’t cute. Aquaria obviously won this because her young mind is seemingly most in tact. She’s also slow burning toward something, isn’t she?

5. Do These Queens Know How To Act?
It was nice of Aquaria to kindly delegate but also…perhaps they should have read through because no one was prepared for their role. The casting wasn’t ill intentioned but absolutely non-existent. It was more of a pact to do a play instead of an agreement to put on a good show. But that isn’t even the point: with or without bad casting, these queens should have known how to act. Why were they mostly so bad at their jobs as performers? Cracker, Eureka, and Kameron, to a certain extent, really fucking bombed. This is your job! I don’t blame the directing of Ross and Michelle but I do blame the queens for not being able to bring it as far as being entertaining.

4. Breastworld Sucks.
All their bad acting yielded a super shitty end product. Were we supposed to be as gagged by Breastworld as we were by Cher: The Unauthorized Rusical? This was like comparing a student film and a major motion picture. No contest! I can pinpoint some failings here. First, the set. Why the fuck weren’t there set changes or scene changes or something to vary up the backdrop from Cracker, Kameron, and Monet by the pool? That was an egregious error of poor television making. Second, it wasn’t Westworld-ian enough. There were plenty of nods to the show but not enough hitting of the parody beats. Third, the “twist” toward acceptance was fine but also…too late? That should have been the tension that was most pronounced. Not fucking defective robots a la Eureka: the drama should have been the robots representing queerness and minorities revolting against customers who want to be voyeuristic. Or something! Anything. The script sucked. Lastly, Randy Fucking Rainbow? Was he accidentally booked for the next episode and they gave this to him as a bone? I barely know who he is and it was not a major finale of any sort. That was maybe the dumbest part of this.

5. Stephen Colbert?!
His cameo at the top of the show and as narrator was pretty fantastic. I loved it! What a nice use of an unexpected fan.

3. Old Asses
This runway was one of the better ones but also not that great. Kameron, surprisingly, killed it by aging himself so well via prosthetics which I am shocked that nobody else but Aquaria’s ears used. I loved Monet and Asia’s looks as well but I was a bit miffed that their footwear situation fell literally flat. I appreciated Aquaria’s cool old NYC lady too. However, Eureka and Cracker’s looks were bombs for me, the former more than the latter. What the fuck, Cracker? She needs to step that pussy up because she is blue balling herself at this point. Eureka, on the other hand, is in some sort of tornado of being flustered. Snap out of it!

2. Queen Asia
Asia barely did anything but kicked everyone’s ass with her adjacent Sarah Palin character and Great Auntie Showgirl runway. She totally deserved this! If I recall correctly, this is her second “Steal The Show!” win since her dating app ugly face plus Tweety combo was her last major moment. Monet did super well this week, yes, but her runway seemed to stumble a little in terms of polish. Had she had on heels or maybe a better hair situation, she would have been a superstar.

1. Why Did These Two Get To Stay?
I entirely disagree with the decision to keep both Eureka and Kameron. They were both not-great! Kameron did put on a good show, yes, and Eureka split it in the end but…Really? Really. Last week’s lip synch was so much better! Vixen, although a bit tired, gave us a life that I was missing here. They are just looking for any excuse to keep “hot” Kameron around and I’m over it. No pass for pretty people! Bring back The Vixen! Bring back the wild card!

Next week should be tense since we are getting YouTube personas clashing with queens. Perhaps this will be Kameron’s big moment because he’ll get outshined by a YouTuber? Also: save me from Frankie Fucking Grande. I do not want to deal.

Surprise! My ranking got all sorts of mixed up.

14. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
13. Kalorie Karbdashian Williams
12. Yuhua Hamasaki
11. Dusty Ray Bottoms
10. Mayhem Miller
9. Blair St. Clair
8. Monique Heart
7. The Vixen
6. Kameron Micheals (Maintained. I saw “it” this week but I’m still not into him.)
5. Miz Cracker (Down one. She’s slipping so hard. She needs to wake the fuck up and stop getting in her head.)
4. Aquaria (Up one. I kind of want Aquaria to dip top three? She has been so unexpectedly great. Many saw her doing well this season, yes, but I didn’t believe the hype. I see it now though!)
3. Eureka O’Hara (Down two. She did so bad this week and, while I think she’s still gonna win, I’m tired of her being a lazy baby at points. This week was peak lazy baby.)
2. Monet X Change (Maintained. She’s on the up-and-up again! She just needs to win a challenge. Her issues are polish and details and she thusly needs to work on that.)
1. Asia O’Hara (Up two. Ahh, yes, this feels good. I hope she wins! Myself at the start of the season would be shocked but me now would be so proud. She really, truly, is the one to beat.) (Then again, these Season 10 queens love fucking up and throwing out everything they worked hard for. Don’t do that, Ms. Asia!)

As a friend pointed out, we still have six fucking episodes left. This is the season that will never end!

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