Sorry, Fam: Tilda Swinton Is Rich

Tilda Swinton is a treasure. She’s an androgynous snow creature, a human Borzoi, the embodiment of the word “lithe.” She may not be real.

The actress is known for her pensive roles and balancing of being both an art house fashion icon with mainstream character actor. She’s so great! However, there’s something about her that adds to that “something about her”: she’s rich.

No, no, no: not rich in the now but generally rich. This realization came from Swinton’s somewhat unnecessary recent critique of the Harry Potter series. Her problem with them? Boarding schools. She explained—

I think they are a very cruel setting in which to grow up and I don’t feel children benefit from that type of education. Children need their parents. That’s why I dislike films like Harry Potter, which tend to romanticise such places.

Ouch, Swints. Really going in on Rowling, aren’t you?

Fair assessment, sure, but the unspoken beef here is that Swinton is speaking from personal hurt, a very rare point of view where you actually got to attend a Hogwarts-esque school which is described in relationship to Swinton as “an expensive boarding school where she was a classmate and friend of Princess Diana.” Huh.

How is this so? Where is Swints’ rich view coming from? Literally royalty. Tilda Swinton’s father is Sir John Swinton Of Kimmerghame. He is an esteemed major general whose father is politician George Swinton of the Swinton family, a very, very old noble family that belongs in a fairy tale. Yes, this all supports the idea that Swinton is mythical. She kind of is. What it also confirms? She is a rare form of privilege that stoops down from frosty mountains to comment on a beloved family film because their portrayal of boarding schools enforce the “negative” nature of these rich environments. Ooooookay, girl.

Sigh. Well, guess it’s time to update my long list of people with famous and/or rich parents.

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