Sure. Okay. Yeah, Luxury Elevator Shoes. All Right. Of Course.

Are you a short dude who isn’t into the idea of wearing high heels to get some added height? Do you want to get away with getting taller without anyone noticing? Have you wanted to curse whoever made you for designing your short stature? Well, Guido Maggi shoes are for you.

This “luxury” Italian brand is known for their elevator shoes that, somehow, hide their lifts in the giant soles that aren’t at all heavy nor indiscrete. The shoes are all very Aldo trendy and cost a couple of hundred dollars, which is great considering this cuts out all the money you may have saved for very expensive cosmetic surgery or for therapy for you to deal with being a few inches short.

Also, these shoes aren’t just “shoes”: they have the ability to transform more than your height. As the before and after photos show, a young model can go from short and slouchy and maybe paunchy to tall and thin and gaunt and with a face that looks to be stretched out. You become your taller, a *little* bit more attractive brother. An added side effect: your female friend will also get a makeover, too. This is obviously something to be aware of. These are magic shoes.

To heighten the luxury of trendy and expensive and therefore antithetical fashion items, there are various sub-styles to the Aldo basis Guido Maggi is riffing off of. For example: some are hand painted to look like a feather painted bathroom your mother did when she was bored no kids are at home anymore. For the fancy, whole skin “exotic” leather shoes will lift you up. If you are truly desperate and want to look like a ridiculous asshole who can afford affordable trend footwear like Tevas but are just too short to stand it, there are even sandals that hide the elevator. There are sneakers and they not-so-subtley look like 2008 trend pieces and heavy soled specialists Shape Ups.

Guido Maggi Elevator Shoes Italian Ridiculous 1234KYLE5678 2

Guido Maggi isn’t just for men either. If you are a woman who does not want to be as open about her height cheating with heels or maybe just really wants shoes that are designed for a man rebranded “for women,” the Mag’ makes elevator shoes for women. This stylish, very European, and very tall fish woman could be you.

For the vertically challenged yet fashion forward know that you don’t have to suffer. You don’t ever have to be below the styles. You can be you in leather lifts that no one else will notice despite oddly chunky soled shoes. You can get up to eight centimeters in lift! That seems like a lot but is a smart, coy way to say, “Eh, about three inches.” Why live the height you are when you can cheat god with tall shoes? This is the Guido Maggi way.

Found via this Tumblr that I was following for a while but unfollowed after they did this lazy “advertorial” on these “fashion” shoes.

More For You To Read