Ten Thoughts About RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season Eight, Episode Three

Three episodes in and this season has definitely been a roller coaster of oddity. The first episode was a blimp of chaotic fun while the second was a gorgeous tizzy of surprises and buried ledes. This episode? Um? Old dressing room pizza that you might take a bite out of? That feels about right. Let’s get into it with ten things about the episode, in honor of how many contestants were competing.

As always, spoilers ahead. Catch up on previous recapping of this season here.

10. The law mini-challenge is very well timed given the Supreme Court justice nomination.
Keep in mind that this show filmed months ago. Nice incepting, Ru!

9. How did Naomi win the mini-challenge over Thorgy?
Like. I like Naomi. She’s a scented magazine advertisement for a decent perfume: you can’t hate her but you don’t want her around you forever. She did fine in this challenge! But she didn’t look as good or have as much personality as Ms. Thorgy, who killed it. This felt like a rob, to not make it seem like Thorgy is as much of a frontrunner as she is.

8. Really? Naysha?
What a boring, unsurprising, fucking tacky letdown. After raising the bar so high last week, kicking off two queens who shouldn’t have even made the cut, Ru made a literal (“literal”) call to bring back someone deserving. And Naysha was it? Really? This was a primo opportunity for a Shangela moment, to shake the show up and put everyone on their toes but, no, they just brought back someone who likely never left Los Angeles. That is lazy producing. That is a slap at the audience who want—And expect!—more. Watching the episode and Naysha attempting to blend into the bright backdrop, sticking out like a dated black-and-white TV star, we felt like Thorgy who expressed it best by beating her up with a broom during the challenge. Fuck bringing back, Naysha. That’s some basic TV producing.

7. The acting challenge was good—but why aren’t the runway challenges being setup?
This challenge was made for the show. It was so perfect! People rose and fall, as usual, but the content—An Empire parody.—was perfect as opposed to something like last season’s impossibly flat Shakespeare challenge. This was a challenge befitting of drag queens, which you could tell because, even at its worse, it was still great. However, for the past few seasons, Ru and producers have skated (HA!) by without properly setting up what the challenge for the runway is. The first episode was all runway, which is exempt, but last week’s category of red carpet and this week’s skating was thrown under a rug when, clearly, there was drama brewing around it. Why not have Ru deliver the challenge, briefly, in a debrief of the main challenge and then do the fallout of “SKATES??” particularly from Bob, whose storyline was authentic but forced into the episode because there was no watch and react. We’re losing the reality of the show by lazy producing, perhaps because the host or whoever doesn’t want to put in good reads and setups. That’s fucking the show over much like bringing Naysha back. Don’t get lazy (although it seems like you already have), producers.

6. Give Bob & Thorgy their own shows.
I love them. They are great. Bob was the clear winner this week and spread his beautiful Chocolate Chip wings and shat all over the competition. Throgy held her own and was stiff competition, too. I also love how poppy and precious Thorgy is and that she is always smiling with her eyes. She is like an extra from The Goofy Movie brought to life. I want them to do a two woman show together. Please? Borbgy? Thorg The Bob Queen?

5. Michelle!
She’s on fire!!!! She is the show this season!!! After telling Betty to not be Betty and pretty much telling Derrick that he is just a hanger, Michelle is the new queen. It took me (Or her.) eight seasons but she’s finally at a point where her notes may eclipse the other judges. Now we see why she is so beloved by Ru for her wiseness.

4. Go home, Derrick.
Ru needs to continue cutting the fat and send Derrick home. Boy isn’t going to rise above anything. He, like Naysha, is boring. As he stood on the runway, you realized the only thing he has going for him is that he is visually very reminiscent of Willam. He’s like Willam’s dead body dressed up as boring wannabe pop stars. (Yet, as Untucked showed this week, perhaps Derrick is the Max of this season, the nice queen who tries to get everyone to sing “Kumbaya.” Maybe? I’m trying to like you, Derrick. You don’t make it easy.)

3. Robbie. Robbie. Robbie.
Boy. You set yourself up for traps and you fell into them, as you did on the first episode. You did way, waaaay, waaaaay redeem yourself on the runway with the skates, with perhaps one of the most inspired lipsyncs ever. That was laudable. Can you bring that every week? You’re standing in your own way, gurl. Get out of the way! You are teetering on the edge of fat-to-be-cut with Nayaha and Derrick. You’re better than those two. Act like it.

2. #Cucu for Cynthia.
Cynthia was amazing. Insane and unintelligible, yes, but amazing. Her cutesy, Puerto Rican folksiness was lost on the season and really underplayed. You knew it was coming, though: a queen like her is a jester, a comedic pop of ethnic personality that will never make it beyond her accent and near a final anything. She was designed to get out of the competition early. Sadly, she should have stayed over Naysha and Derrick both. Yes, her runway was severe busted, which was perfectly dissected in Untucked, but she is much more of a gem than Naysha and Derrick. Maybe we’re missing footage fat of her being truly vacant and boring but, dang, she’ll be missed. She didn’t stand a chance with her high heeled lipsync but god love her for trying. (And thank heavens she signed off the show by showing us all how to spell #cucu.)

1. “Big old meats.
Chi Chi. If you didn’t watch Untucked this week, do it. Chi Chi is a star. A star with a big meat who loves a big meat. She’s my kind of girl. Don’t count her out!!

I’m losing my hope fast with this season—but the future looks bright! Once we get to the meat (Right, Chi Chi?), we’ll be working with some truly good stuff. Sadly, we’re like four eliminations shy of that meat.

12. Naysha Lopez (She’s still last place because she never should have returned.)
11. Laila McQueen
10. Dax Exclamationpoint
9. Cynthia Lee Fontaine
8. Derrick Barry (Maintained. Should be gone, though.)
7. Robbie Turner (Up two. I believe in you, Robbie! Don’t fuck it up!)
6. Naomi Smalls (Down one. Boring.)
5. Acid Betty (Up one, because not as boring.)
4. Kim Chi (Down three—because, while sweet and very visually appealing, there are stronger girls.)
3. Chi Chi DeVayne (Maintained. She can very easily take this.)
1. Thorgy Thor (Up three—and tied for one! She is so great. She is a Fireball Jell-O shot of adorable.)
1. Bob The Drag Queen (Up one—and tied for one! I love Bob. I want to kiss her.)

What y’all think? Am I being too hard on the show? I just want it to be the best show it can be!

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