tfw: You’re Wearing Something New

tfw is a mini personal essay series I’m try to do on Tuesdays to recount second-person experiences of feelings and experiences we all have. Or maybe I’m the only one who has them?

Someone will notice you’re wearing something new.

Your friend will notice. You sit down to a cup of tea, nodding your new hat’d head toward them. “You seem so happy,” they say. “I am,” you nod after a sip, sucking in the qualification, “because of my new hat.”

Your boyfriend will notice. You put on a new pair of shorts. They’re tight but not uncomfortable, modest but sexy. “It’s cold—make sure to bring a jacket,” he says. But what about your legs? You strut around. “Did you hear me? Grab a jacket.” You grab a jacket, which is not new.

Your dog will notice. You pet their head, calmly, but with an added ummph to a newly ringed finger. You expect the dog to jolt back, to ask you why your hand is so hard at that one point—but no. Just more panting.

Your boss will notice. He calls you into his office, mad. You’re new shoes are super cute. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before today?” he scowls. “This is not OK.” You nod and give a sheepish half-smile and apologize and tap your heels together, hoping he’ll notice.

Your accountant will notice. You see him once a year and you have a new bag with you, which you pull out all your papers from. “Did you fill your write-off estimate form that I sent for you to bring?” they ask. You shake your head and hold the bag in front of you, confused. “It really helps save us a lot of time. I’d appreciate it if you did that from now on.”

Your doctor will notice. You take off your pants and you are in your new, cute, slim fitted underwear that makes you feel like James Bond played by Daniel Craig in that one scene where he’s in the ocean and is wearing a modern take on a Speedo. “You can pull your pants back up,” your doctor says, drawing his hand back and removing a glove with a smack.

Your family will notice. You walk into the wake and stand in the back of the room, greeting people as they come. Will they mention your new suit? People hug you and cry and touch you and your new suit but no one mentions what you are wearing. “He was so good,” they say. Why aren’t they noticing your new suit? Literally everything you are wearing is new.

Give it time, you think: someone will notice you’re wearing something new.

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