Design: The Crosstour is definitely the biggest Honda I have ever seen. It may be comparable to the Pilot but it feels much larger because it’s so round and squat. Remember the last scene in Before Sunset where Julie Delpy describes Nina Simone’s butt as “that big cute ass“? I can relate to that idea via this car. (But less so about the cute: it’s just a big ass.)
Aesthetic: As Claude VonStroke would say, this car is big ‘n round.
Features: “22 city / 31 hwy” miles per gallon. Five seats. $27K.
Honda Dayness: While this care is the newest and most expensive Honda on the list, this is probably the most Honda Day because it is overwhelmingly bad. It gets terrible gas mileage and is giant and ugly and expensive. This is the reason for the season: killing the planet at very high costs.
How Happy Does This Honda Make Me? Real me? Not happy. Honda me? This car is perfect. Long live the sales event of the year and my attempt at looking like a casual French boy.