The Filthiest, Most Innocent Twitter Bot

What would it be like if you never saw a porn? How would your brain handle this? Where would the rationalization for your porn alienation come from, that basis in your being unable to process or completely “grasp” the actions that were happening on the screen? Surely your life would certainly be very weird.

That’s what @robotpornaddict is though: a porn watching bot that cannot process porn. The bot tries again and again to understand what is happening in different pornographic situations and, instead of calling it like it is (masturbation, reverse cowgirl, giving or receiving oral, etc.), the bot attempts to explain the happenings in the simplest terms. A man masturbating is a “person sitting on the couch playing video games.” A couple engaging in reverse cowgirl is a “woman sitting in a chair.” A woman giving oral sex is a “woman eating a sandwich.”

The results go on and on and on, spoken in a Disney-esque robo female voice, every observation ending with a question mark, illustrating the attempted at understanding.

This tech-comic-Twitter masterpiece originated from the brilliant Stupid Hackathon, an event where tech people got together to create deliberately stupid things. The project specifically comes from concept designer Brian Moore. “We made a bot that watches porn and attempts to narrate it,” he explained in a Tweet. “It’s never seen porn before.”

I cannot get enough of @robotpornaddict. It’s the sort of item of tech innocence that is an affront to basically everything that the Internet and technology stand for. It is a purging of sex that, like Porn SFW and PornHub Comments On Valentines, turns the dirtiest, most private of acts into simple, common, mundane things. It is a glorious exercise in antithesis, an about face from the foul Rule 34.

Please give this new lil bot a follow.

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