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The Guys Who Smell Like Ball Sweat

Some guys smell like ball sweat.

It’s a particularly gruesome smell. A locker room towel, the damp edge of an undershirt, gym shorts after a semi-aggressive workout: that’s the smell that come with these men. It’s slightly acidic and old, salty must funk touched by ammonia that does pull-ups on your nose hairs—and it’s permanently attached to these sweaty, beefy boys.

The men who smell like balls are known by their scent. They may be attractive—They might even be a celebrity!—but all attributes are secondary to the malodorous signature scent. The smell of balls is emblematic of overworked and under cleaned apocrine glands, sweat glands that release your sweet stank into hair follicles, lacing your coital cotton with a not-so-friendly funkiness.

This is where ball smell comes from.

Departing from fact, I have a talent of being able to guess men who carry this scent after years and years and years of honing in on “who he is.” The first person to introduce me to this was James. He and I shared a Judo class when I was in the fourth grade. He was slightly older, maybe in the ninth grade, but was packaged like a mixed martial arts expert as illustrated by a type of man-arms that are the product of weightlifting. They’re the smooth type of man-arm that is wrapped in muscles without veins. They represent young men who haven’t overdone their curls but who naturally dwell between fit and vein popping extremes. This is the type of arm that grown adult men lust after, be it out of heterosexual vanity or homosexual lust. James had those arms.

And he smelled. He was a beauty that was preceded by a funk that would poof out of him if given the right mixture of quick movements and crotch thrusting. That happened occasionally in Judo practice and, although I never sparred with him, you could smell the sweaty facts from the sidelines.

These men are more common than you think. He was a counselor at a leadership camp in high school, a fellow actor in a college play, an artsy guy with a beard who looked very clean: they had this ball sweat smell. They had the arms, too. They are a type.

The crossover of this scent is unimaginable and I can predict who has the lingering odor before meeting them. In fact, I can guess celebrities who are most likely to have this funk. Top of the list? Ryan Gosling, a beautiful squinty man who lifts weights and rides motorcycles, the latter two traits likely the problem’s enablers. He’s the type of guy who is cool and sensitive that is immune to essentially any issue a normal person has because of his visual appeal. But how does he smell? Perhaps woody and wet? Wrapped in amber? Of the salty brine surrounding an unwashed pubis? He appears to glisten, drying with the texture of sweated flesh, a light sandpaper that comes off on your fingers: that is the scent. That is the ball smell scent, captured.

Other hunky men appear similarly: Brian Sims, the gay House Of Representatives member from Pennsylvania, looks like a hairier alternative to the smell; Jason Momoa, an actor known for being somewhat beefy and long haired, likely carries the wait of the under-washed active male; Alexander Skarsgård in Tarzan appeared likely to need a scrubbing; and sometimes incomparable beauties like Idris Elba and Anderson Cooper seem likely to fall subject to the problem. They all have that look—The arms, the fitness, the crotch rubbing.—that would leave you unsurprised by a poor scent wafting from them. It’s a mark of the fit man unaware of his olfactory reputation.

This isn’t a problem without a solution. This isn’t something isolated or in a vacuum: men with a sweaty smell are common. If you listen close enough with your nose, you will catch a man who carries this scent, the man with the arms and the physical quality. He’s easy to find and easy to clean.

Some guys smell like ball sweat. However, for your and their information, they don’t always have to smell this way.

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