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Thinking About A Masturbate A Day

Artist-philosopher Miley Cyrus has given us many gifts, most of which have to do with sex and freedom of the self. These are very important subjects, almost identical to what was tackled by fellow artist-philosopher Simone de Beauvoir (or as Cyrus may like to call her “Simone de Boobwa”). The latest of sexual, mindful  incantations was released via Instagram accompanied by a photo of a woman from the nineties touching her touchy parts.

“a masturbate a day keeps the haters away,” she proclaims, without any capitalization or punctuation, a statement of both action and prevention. The assertion assumes that Cyrus, the great doer that she is, participates in what she preaches, stealing way time enough on the daily to get “a masturbate” in. Or maybe she does it in public? Judging from the photographic representation and recent on stage performances, she could be sharing her masturbate in public.

Let’s think: would masturbating every day actually keep haters away? How does the act of self-pleasure keep haters away? What if your haters are indulging in a masturbate a day: does their self-love cross out your self-love? Remember when we were in middle school and talked about masturbation and anyone who admitted to masturbating would get made fun of?

As someone who is a proponent of self-love and who indulges not as much but almost as much as Miley, I can say that the practice has nothing to do with haters unless your masturbates are furious dedications to your haters, a sort of sexual energy witchery—or if your masturbate happens in public, a la Cyrus.

This leads to an interesting conclusion: perhaps she is right. Perhaps we have to show our parts in public more, self-loving as a selfless act of both confidence and high self-esteem. If this is the case, the canon of artist-philosopher Miley Cyrus has proven itself most valuable in the twenty first century.

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