Who Can Wear These Shorts?

Who can wear these shorts? Who is buying these shorts and wearing them around? Are these shorts actually cool or are they just lower case, attention seeking, status giving, almost-four-hundred-dollars “cool” shorts?

I’m confused. There is a lot going on. They are “long” and “big” shorts. That can be fine. They are also built like boxing—not boxer—shorts. They are red plush. There is gold fringe. There is a white bone plush print. Who can wear these shorts?

Plush, dolphin-style shorts are printed with white “bones.” The broad elastic waistband is gold, matching the fringed hem. Includes side zippers and mesh lining.

“But who will wear these?” I ask. “Please tell me who. I would like to meet them.”

Sankuanz Bone Printed Elastic Wasit Shorts Opening Ceremony 3

They are also low in stock. “Who is buying them?” I say. “Were only two pairs made?” I wonder. If you are skinny, they will make you look big. If you are big, they will make you look like a muppet. If you are a muppet, they will make you look like a boxer. Who wears these shorts and does Sankuanz designer Shangguan Zhe even wear them?

They are fun, yes. I like aspects of them—fringe, plush, bones, red—but I can only take so much, together. And what else is there to do with over three hundred dollars? Not buy shorts. Or buy multiple shorts. Not buy fringed plush big shorts, I guess.

But who is buying these? Or, more appropriately, who is wearing this pair of shorts? Are they high and laughing, the joke being that they look crazy? Do they wear them repeatedly? Are these shorts comfortable? I feel like they might itch. I mean, these shorts are better but they still look like a rug diapey.

“Who wears these shorts?” I scream aloud. “Tell me who wears these shorts. Show me the legs they belong to.”

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