There is nothing in me that wants a child and I often wonder: how can I best sum this up?
Do I have a sound byte for this? Is there a manifesto I can point to? I have a lot of thoughts on this – selfishness, personal independence, the fucking environment – but there is something embedded in this that should be addressed: I am having a good time. I have enough pleasure (and enough stress) in my life that I do not need an extra little creature around to compound these joys and pains.
I can look to drag queens for support on this, specifically Trixie Mattel on a recent episode of her show UNHhhh with Katya Zamolodchikov. They were talking about high school reunions and came upon the subject of seeing friends with family. Katya asks Trixie if she would want kids.
“Um,” she hesitates. “I don’t know. I’m not gonna like kids as much as I like doing this.”
Katya follows this up. “You still have that kid?” she poses of people with children. “Why are you still doing that?”
I haven’t been able to accurately sum up why my queer adult life is working so well. Outside of a child biologically being impossible for me and my man to make on our own, I – Well, we. – love what we’re doing and don’t have room to give a lil bb all that they need. Nor do we really care, at this moment, in this world. I will leave that to the more excited, those who want to always be “doing that.” I’m happy to babysit, I’m happy to support, I’m happy to boost you and your little one. Have one myself? No. I’m not gonna like kids as much as I like doing what I’m doing.
I don’t feel guilty about this and I’m unsure if this will change, unless many of my worries and goals dissolve and I crave something else to tackle in my life. Otherwise? I’m good. Y’all keep doing y’all. I’m content.