Bad news, fam: science has yet again ruined something they once said was healthy. Yes, the time has come to remove wine from the “I doubt this is good for me but science says it is!!” list.
A recent study—It’s always a god damned recent study.—found that the harms of wine outweight the good. Altogether now: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That’s some bullshit. I feel like science is always trying to ruin my lifetime of fun by putting my mortality into perspective. Thanks a lot.
But you know who is keeping the spirit alive? Fucking bad gal Riri. She is so wine hopeful, an intoxicated spirit. The singer has been known to carry around wine, making the drink an accessory, reminding us that curbing wine because of science is bonk. And who is to blame her? When you are that fabulous, a wine glass should always be in tow despite the fact that it’s going to ultimately kill you.
So, to alleviate your pain and comfort you in your wokeness about wine’s health effects being null, here are ten photos of Rihanna and wine that are certainly healthy. Why? Because they will make drunk in love, err, mentally pour it up.
Is that wine Adidas, too? Doesn’t matter when you’re fucking toting a corked ass bottle out of a restaurant, which is absolutely illegal but she is Rihanna so such her parts.
An iconic Rihanna Wine™ look. Just tuck me in with my bottle, Concerned Coordinated Bodyguard Man.
Look at that goblet and that purse. If you had to choose between owning the two, which would you choose? I would think the wine but, in light of recent news, I’d go with the purse. Imagine all the Sofia Minis you can put in there!
This is what we all feel that we look like after we sip that second glass of wine.
Please. Don’t judge. We’ve all worn next-to-nothing on vacation and drank a full bottle of wine poolside. Fuck your sobriety privilege, people.
Again with the wine accessorized bodyguard. This is more cabernet style, which is great.
Did you know that Rihanna made a wine, too? She did! It’s called Christina Milian’s Viva Diva Wines. Sounds terrible but it will help you dip it low.
Please tell me that’s blue wine, Ri, because I have the wine blues.
“I know you like my Roc Father and all and that guy behind you is literally swigging out of a bottle but I want you to know that, like, I really, really love you. Promise me that you’ll call me after Tidal ends. OK? Please?”
We’ll miss you, wine. Here’s to one final indulgent sip as your asshole literally touches the bare hardwood floor. Bon voyage!
Photos via, via, via, via, via, via, via, via, via, via, and via.