Christmas is six weeks away from tomorrow. That sounds far! But think about it this way: Thanksgiving is two weeks away which means Christmas will be less than four weeks away in two weeks, which will fly by because we’re being sucked into the end of the year funnel of holidays.
Life will quickly unravel into the mania of holiday shit and happy unhappiness or unhappy happiness and you need movies to see. No, not Star Wars. You will be exhausted by that movie! You need something else to watch. Krampus? Yes, you will see that. You need something lighter though! And markedly terrible.
So, watch Up On The Wooftop. No, not rooftop: wooftop. It is a movie about a Parson Russell named Toby who works for Santa, who talks using really bad CGI while spending time in a house that looks like it’s an Airbnb in Big Bear. Toby is a very mischievous dog elf (Or something? Santa in the movie’s universe inexplicably has a lot of dogs.) and somehow falls out of a sled and into the home of a family whose children do not use cell phones but might be autistic and who want to help this “talking” dog find his way back to “Santa.” Doesn’t it look great? Yes, it looks like you need to smoke ten bowls and drink a bottle of Fireball and cry as you watch it. Merry Christmas!
“But the HOLIDAYS!!!” you scream. Yes, the holidays. That is a legitimate point. You know what else is a good point? This movie is terrible. This is the Oogielove of dog holiday films. Will you watch it with me? Toby needs our help finding his way back to the North Pole! Woof, woof. Barf.