Would You Have Sex With A Ghost?

What if someone was touching you, feeling you up, getting into your bits but, instead of with real hands on you, it was only a presence? What if the hands of a ghost were feeling you up? Would you be excited about this or a little freaked out?

The question is fascinating to me. I like sex. I’ve had lots of sex with different people but I wonder if an unphysical, undead person approached me if I would have sex with them. Why wouldn’t I? I want to say this is an easy yes but let’s think about the matter beyond my slutty streak.

The thought came up while reading Richard Matheson’s Hell House. In a fairly early chapter, one of the mediums in the haunted house is joined by a spirit in her bedroom. It finds itself under her blanket, taking form as a stereotypical ghoul-under-a-sheet. Once the ghost disappears, things almost get freaky:

The bedspread suddenly collapsed. Florence stared at it awhile, then leaned over to pick it up.

She reared with a gasp as a hand caressed her buttocks. Angrily, she looked around the room. There was a chuckling – low-pitched, sly. Florence drew in a shaking breath. “You’ve proved your sex to me, at any rate,” she said. The chuckling deepened.

A ghost done grabbed that woman’s ass, laughed at her, and she got mad at that horny spook. She did acknowledge that the ghost was sexual but didn’t go with his flow. Girl, please: if I were in that situation and a ghost grabbed my ass in a haunted house, I can guarantee you I would be very, very scared but also aroused and would ask the ghost if he or she or whatever it was wanted to take our spiritual connection to the next level. If you are going to be in a horrible situation like having to spend the night in a haunted house for work, might as well get something out of it. (Later on in the book, the ghost actually got a boner under the sheet and the girl did nothing. Prude! He was asking for it!)

But what if the sex is weird? Yes, ghost sex is inherently weird—I understand.—but something like that scene in Ghostbusters where Dana is all freaked up and ready to fuck does indeed seem intense. It could be good, though. You may be scratched up and nibbled on but I don’t doubt that The Gatekeeper is a good lay. She would be a great lay.

Here’s the thing: ghost sex is real and I imagine it would be not-too-dissimilar from a wet dream, unless you are dealing with someone more physicalized like Dana Barrett. Also, think of the intensity of a ghost: you would have intense heat or intense cold or intense something around your bits which sounds intriguing. Ghosts are also pure emotion, unrested because they are mad or happy or sad. Sure, that is a lover with a lot of baggage but for one time? That could be fun. You don’t have to worry about kicking them out after because they’re not even really there.

I would do it. Even if it was a woman or an animal, I would do it. I’m sure my boyfriend would be in bed too so, yes, it would probably turn into a (reluctant) threesome. “But what if the ghost is related to you? What if the ghost stains you with ectoplasm? What if the ghost takes your soul and you then end up in hell getting fucked by the devil?”

To these questions I say bring it on.

I would like to live to explain what a blowjob from a ghost is like or what a hand job feels like from a something that isn’t real. Every man fantasizes about being able to jack off himself off without touching anything! This sounds like the perfect way to fulfill a fantasy. Does ghost dick come lubed up? Is a ghost naturally just lube anyway? I want to know. I will live to tell or maybe go to hell but let this be an invitation to you ghosts reading this: I would be interested in an encounter for the sake of a story.

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