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“Wrestler Uses Penis to Flip His Opponent”

Wrestler Uses Penis to Flip His Opponent,” you read. “Interesting.”

“That sounds like a story for me,” you click on the story.

There’s a video.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

You click play. “Two men in underwear,” you think. “Cool!”

Two wrestlers taunt each other. “So this wasn’t clickbait?” you think. “Huh.

The two men run into each other. “Okay, he just grabbed the dude’s dick. That’s really forward of him.”

You start to get a little bit anxious because the one dude is like grabbing the other dude’s D and it seems painful and exciting and, somehow, empowering…and then the penis has superpowers?

“Wow,” you say. “That man has a magic muscle penis.”

Then you Google this man—Joey Ryan—and that he is a part of the Japanese DDT Pro Wrestling and he is kind of a hot hunk of meat and that he refers to himself as The King Of Dong Style.

Now. A most important question: how can you sign up to grab Joey’s penis and then get beat up? You may be bruised and beaten as a result but—Man.—you gotta touch that meat. How can you touch that meat? If there was ever a time or a reason to start getting into wrestling, this is the fucking time.

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