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You Could Ride A Pretzel Bike

This is Catharine Ahearn’s Pretzel Bike. It was created in 2013 and I don’t think it’s made of actual pretzels since she only listed aquaresin, acrylic, wire, and salt. You cannot eat it? But it is salty so maybe you can. You cannot ride it? But it’s a bike. You can definitely look at it. You could even make some pretzel dough and make your own bike out of pretzel and eat it or try to ride it, if you wanted to.

There is a pretzel seat. A pretzel may not typically make a comfortable seat but its form is actually very well suited to sit as the upper wings of a pretzel perfect for a buttocks. Its soft consistency would make for great padding (at least initially). If it got wet, you could add some more salt and that would help the drying process.

The handlebars are big, though. They’re far too cumbersome and you’d end up looking like a lost beach cruiser who is unable to control their vehicle, the bike instead taking them for a ride. It is handlebars like this that make men want to grow long mustaches. Maybe this is why pretzel mustaches are surprisingly common.

Where is the mustard? Perhaps there is a pretzel vessel, a tiny bready cup, that you can buy at the store and affix to the frame. You’d have to buy your own mustard. Since it is a pretzel bike, you would probably want a spicy honey mustard. I imagine streets are salty and the bike is already salted.

When you arrive at your destination, you could share your bike with everyone at work. “Don’t worry,” you’d say. “I have lunch taken care of today.” You would lift your bike onto the communal table and everyone would smile and grab a piece and you would walk home with your pretzel seat in hand and someone would ask you why you are carrying a pretzel and you would reply, why, no, this is not a pretzel but a seat. They might laugh at you but that’s okay. It is a comfortable seat.

I would ride a pretzel bike. If I could have this Pretzel Bike, I don’t know what I would do with it. I—personally—would not eat it. I would ride it. Pretzels were made to be ridden.

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